IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Many
people
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 consider that innate characteristics are responsible for the fact that some
people
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 choose to turn to a career in
crime
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.
However
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, I would argue that
crime
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 is a consequence of social issues and
poverty
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. There is a belief that a person's nature determines whether or not they become a criminal.
Firstly
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, they argue that an individual who is cruel turns to
crime
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 more easily than a kind person.
For instance
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, a child bullying other boys or girls at school may turn into a violent criminal in the future.
Secondly
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, bad characteristics
such
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 as laziness or selfishness could
also
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 breed future offenders, who seek to acquire easy money without working for it. A number of youngsters choose to steal from others,
instead
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 of working hard to make an honest living. These are strong reasons for thinking that those who have an inborn bad nature are more likely to break the law.
Nevertheless
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, it seems to me that social issues and
poverty
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 are the main causes of
crime
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. There are many problems in society which might lead to an increase in the
crime
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 rate.
For example
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, unemployment pushes
people
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 into resorting to
crime
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 because they simply cannot find a job.
As a consequence
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, the number of offenders has climbed in many countries over recent decades. Another reason is that, more broadly,
poverty
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 in general leads to a rise in
crime
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. If
people
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 do not have enough money to make ends meet, they will be tempted to pursue illegal activities just to support themselves and their families. In conclusion,
while
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 a number of
people
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 think that a person's nature is the primary cause of crimes, I would argue that they are the results of social issues and
poverty
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.

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task response
Ensure that your examples and arguments are well-developed and provide specific, relevant examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Continue to work on structuring your essay with clear, logical, and cohesive organization. Connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and mostly appropriate. Work on incorporating more advanced vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammar is strong, but watch out for occasional errors. Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and complexity in your writing.
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