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Writing Samples
Band 7

Smacking children to is the best method to discipline. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Disciplining
children
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 is the one of important things to do as the guardian, without discipline,
children
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 will be uncontrollable and difficult to deal with. One of the methods to make them disciplined is to smack them, despite that method working, I personally disagree because is not good for
children
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's behaviour. It might lead them to become a bully or have mental issues when they get older.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 tend to mimic their parent’s behaviour. If their parents choose violence to discipline
children
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,
this
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 could lead
children
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 to duplicate their actions towards others.
For instance
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, if parents hit a teenager, they might have a feeling to fight back and they release
this
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 feeling through a fight with their friends because they assume that hitting a person is a good thing to do which can lead to the act of bullying.
Besides
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 that, abusing
children
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 in terms of disciplining them tends to make them afraid and lead them to isolate from people because they think people will hit them every time they make a mistake.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 behaviour will lead
children
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 to have anxiety and mental issues.
For example
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, many adolescents have trauma
as a result
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 of abusive parents when they are younger age. In conclusion, abusing
children
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 is not the best way to make them more disciplined,
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moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 it will lead them to the wrong behaviours in the future.
In addition
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, violence is not the answer to training them to become better human beings because they will carry the trauma until they adults.

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Support & Examples
Consider providing a wider range of examples and more in-depth analysis to better support your arguments.
Language Use
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing.
Argument Development
For an even stronger argument, you could acknowledge the opposing viewpoint and then refute it, showing why your stance is more convincing.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, with both an introduction and a conclusion that neatly bookend your main points.
Organization
You effectively use paragraphs to organize your ideas, which makes your argument easy to follow.
Clarity of Position
Your stance on the issue is clear throughout the essay, which helps maintain a consistent argument.
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