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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007

The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007
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The two given charts provide a comprehensive overview of how the pollutants enter
in
Change preposition
apply
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a certain area of
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
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 in two distinct years (1997 and 2007).
Overall
Linking Words
,
air
Add an article
the air
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dominated as the source of
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 in both given study years
while
Linking Words
 farm waste remained the least
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 in the ocean.
Whereas
Linking Words
, litter
has
Verb problem
will
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disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 source of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
 in the next decade.
Upor
Correct your spelling
Upon
further
Linking Words
 observation, in 1997, air displayed the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of pollutants around slightly below a third. Marin transport, the second highest percentage of
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
exist
Verb problem
apply
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, showed around 22% among others. Domestic sewage and
indstrial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 waste had slightly similar of
proportion
Use synonyms
 why the
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 entering the sea
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for 18% and 17% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three hazard sources (farm waste, offshore oil, and litter) displayed the least around under 6%. Turning to the other remaining data, after a decade there was a
signifant
Correct your spelling
significant
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the method of the
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
appeared
Correct pronoun usage
that appeared
show examples
.
Air
Add an article
The air
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 kept showing as the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
 and slightly increased to 33% in 2007.
However
Linking Words
, domestic sewage had a
signfincant
Correct your spelling
significant
 rise
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 32% and replaced marine transport (8%)as the second highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
pollutant
Use synonyms
 sources.
Lastly
Linking Words
, offshore oil rapidly went up to 15% in 2017.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pollutant, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "displayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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