IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money
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Countries
 invest a lot of
money
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
artists
 and some
people
 think
that is
wasting
Wrong verb form
a waste of
show examples
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
money
 and it would be better if it was used in other areas. States could benefit from
artists
 because they pay a lot of taxes,
however
, I think that governments should spend more
money
 on public services
such
 as schools. Nowadays, many
countries
 have their own
artists
 who are popular all around the globe and governments support them since they earn a lot.
As a result
 of that they pay more tax which increases a country’s budget rapidly.
For example
, Selena Gomez has a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of fans from all over the world. So, when she gives a concert, many
people
 from different
countries
 will pay a visit to see her and the
money
 that comes from it is huge.
Therefore
, she would pay
noticeable
Add an article
the noticeable
a noticeable
show examples
 amount of
money
 in the form of tax to the government.
However
,
artists
 do not need much support from the government because they earn enough and they can help themselves. In
countries
, improving public services is very important as it helps the society to live better and one of the most crucial services is education. Spending more
money
 on making a better school system,
for instance
, is a good way to improve the country because increasing the number of educated men and women helps to develop different fields
such
 as engineering, chemistry and IT, and
this
 increases diversity in opportunities in the country, giving
people
 options to choose for their career. So, I believe supporting schools would be more beneficial to
people
 and the states.
To conclude
, supporting
artists
 can bring more
money
 to the government,
however
, I am of the opinion that spending on education would be more helpful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by study.kuvondik on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • culture
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • tourism
  • social development
  • personal development
  • merit
  • financial support
  • balanced
  • transparent
What to do next:
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