IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Countries
Use synonyms
 invest a lot of
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
 and some
people
Use synonyms
 think
that is
Linking Words
wasting
Wrong verb form
a waste of
show examples
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and it would be better if it was used in other areas. States could benefit from
artists
Use synonyms
 because they pay a lot of taxes,
however
Linking Words
, I think that governments should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on public services
such
Linking Words
 as schools. Nowadays, many
countries
Use synonyms
 have their own
artists
Use synonyms
 who are popular all around the globe and governments support them since they earn a lot.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that they pay more tax which increases a country’s budget rapidly.
For example
Linking Words
, Selena Gomez has a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of fans from all over the world. So, when she gives a concert, many
people
Use synonyms
 from different
countries
Use synonyms
 will pay a visit to see her and the
money
Use synonyms
 that comes from it is huge.
Therefore
Linking Words
, she would pay
noticeable
Add an article
the noticeable
a noticeable
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in the form of tax to the government.
However
Linking Words
,
artists
Use synonyms
 do not need much support from the government because they earn enough and they can help themselves. In
countries
Use synonyms
, improving public services is very important as it helps the society to live better and one of the most crucial services is education. Spending more
money
Use synonyms
 on making a better school system,
for instance
Linking Words
, is a good way to improve the country because increasing the number of educated men and women helps to develop different fields
such
Linking Words
 as engineering, chemistry and IT, and
this
Linking Words
 increases diversity in opportunities in the country, giving
people
Use synonyms
 options to choose for their career. So, I believe supporting schools would be more beneficial to
people
Use synonyms
 and the states.
To conclude
Linking Words
, supporting
artists
Use synonyms
 can bring more
money
Use synonyms
 to the government,
however
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that spending on education would be more helpful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • culture
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • tourism
  • social development
  • personal development
  • merit
  • financial support
  • balanced
  • transparent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: