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Band 6.5

people naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems of problems can this cause? Whats solutions you can suggest?

#people #changes #lives #whats
In
this
 real world, the number of
people
 who want their lives to become beautiful and spectacular is increasing exponentially from young age to middle age. In
this
 essay, it is not necessary and not obvious impact to jump out of the comfort zone or choose to stay in it all the
time
 are based on my considering. As you satisfy your
life
 the whole day as a vivid person is enough to compare most of the other things. First of all, being forced to accept all things is terrible from study or work,
thus
,
people
 need tons of
time
 as they are free to stay in their comfort zone to relax is a fun fact without a doubt.
Second,
not most
people
 already find a comfortable
time
 or space in their whole lives if they are lucky dogs.
Therefore
,
people
 naturally do not think living their current
life
 is compulsory much less we do not want to make choices or changes in our lives because it consumes our spirit and body energy. But to be honest, if they want nothing to change is
also
 a bad thing and a harmful choice. In my opinion, it will cause them may lose their persistence or something precious spirit in their reality
life
 because they do not want to face the challenge and overcome it
while
 some situation happens. I suggest you cut into half a part of your
life
, I mean, you can gap 1 year or 2 years to seek more adventure
life
 or change your home place
such
 as living in another country. It will help you to exchange your brain ideas as before or broaden your horizons
while
 you work or travel there.
To sum up
, if you have enough
time
 and money you can go anywhere with anybody in a gap year when you realize you must exchange your environment based on your hometown. All in all,
people
 want to contain what is already in their
life
 is a very common thing in
this
 society, so we can not emphasise
this
 if everyone needs to change their spot as soon as possible but it is impossible.
Submitted by dearjenfrombangkok on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks coherence in its structure, the introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented. The main points are somewhat supported, but the ideas are not developed effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion are confusing and the supporting points are not well-connected.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is not varied and there are several unclear or awkward expressions. The vocabulary and word choice need improvement to convey more precise and appropriate meanings.
grammatical range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including verb tense inconsistencies, word order issues, and punctuation mistakes. There is also a lack of sentence variety and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • resistance to change
  • stagnation
  • personal growth
  • miss out on
  • opportunities
  • experiences
  • career advancement
  • professional development
  • strain
  • personal relationships
  • conflicts
  • fear of the unknown
  • lack of adaptability
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