IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
railways
, or roads by governments is argued by
people
 nowadays. Many may say, and I agree,
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that only when governments spend their budget on
railways
, can traffic, and emissions of pollution which are made by
vehicles
 on roads decrease.
However
, not only does it
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 a huge amount of money, but
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it might not be accessible for everyone, because of its cost, or its distance. The main reason for some
people
's disagreement with
this
 probably is their disability to
use
railways
.
For example
,
people
 who live in villages may not be able to
use
 trams, trains, and other railway
vehicles
, because it is far.
On the other hand
, villagers may not earn enough money to spend on using them, so they prefer to
use
 their animals or tractors
instead
.
Besides
, weak governments like Iran cannot afford the cost, so they are not able to upgrade their
railways
 anyway.
However
, we cannot deny how many merits using
railways
 have.
For instance
, many
vehicles
 are being used by single-seaters on roads. Encouraging
people
 to
use
railways
 can decrease air pollution as they will not
use
 their cars or bikes anymore. To achieve that, Some countries offer
people
 to
use
 railway
vehicles
, so they can
use
 second time for free.
Moreover
,
this
 can avoid traffic which is another aspect of pollution.
That is
 how
people
 can be on time, and they can even rest on their way in railway
vehicles
. In conclusion, not until we expand and develop
railways
, can we achieve these goals. All of these can help us have a healthy environment.
Submitted by hanarad41 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the task but lacks development and depth. Provide more comprehensive and balanced arguments to fully respond to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory logical structure and uses cohesive devices adequately. However, some paragraphs lack unity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a central idea to improve overall cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay displays a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccurate word choices and awkward phrasing. Use more precise and appropriate vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are evident grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement and awkward sentence structures. Aim for greater accuracy and complexity in sentence structures to improve grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
Look at other essays: