IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the future, people may have to live on other planets. Some think that it is therefore important to spend money researching other planets such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #planets #think #money
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Owing to various reasons, humanity may be left with no choice but to move to another
planetplanet
Correct your spelling
planet planet
planet-planet
, in the upcoming centuries.
Thus
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, some individuals think that investing in
research
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 on other
planets
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 like Mars is a better idea. I largely agree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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,
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apply
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this
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research
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 can be highly expensive, it would provide valuable information and help ensure the survival of the human race. Exploring other
planets
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 requires heavy finances because several technologies like robots and equipment
such
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 as telescopes, satellites and rockets are needed to operate a mission.
Apart from
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this
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,
research
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 will include a number of scientists and significant areas of the workplace.
Therefore
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, the whole process of investigating other
planets
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 needs a huge amount of money.
For example
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, the annual budget of the NASA agency of
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
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 is approximately $20 Billion.
However
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,
this
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 investigation will provide useful information about the planet. If the resources like water, gases and minerals which are crucial for human existence are available or not.
In addition
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, knowing about the weather conditions and environment of that particular planet is really important so that we can understand whether that place is habitable or not.
Moreover
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,
this
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research
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 will help to save mankind.
Due to
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 the rapid rise in population, there are chances that in the future, perhaps none of
resources
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the resources
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 will exist on the earth. The climate is changing and the ozone layer is depleting day by day because of the usage of fossil fuels and harmful gases. So, if the
research
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 proves that
planets
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 like Mars are a liveable place
then
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 humans can be saved from extinction.
To conclude
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,
While
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, space exploration is extremely costly, it allows us to know about the environment and can help to save human lives in the future. I deem allocating funds for
this
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research
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 is essential.
Submitted by 1234 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating clearer logical links between your ideas. Use a wider range of linking devices and make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Avoid repetition of phrases and try to ensure that all paragraphs relate directly to the main topic without diversion.
Task Achievement
With regards to task achievement, aim to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. You could do this by discussing contrasting viewpoints and rebutting them. Use a wider range of structures and vocabulary to express specific ideas, and include more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic.
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