Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison

These days, there are numerous offenders still breaking the law when they are just released from jail. I believe that

this

circumstance is caused by some reasons and it

also

has several effective ways to resolve

this

issue. Those newly released from prison have to face

Change preposition

apply

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with

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various difficult situations. First and foremost, financial strain is one of the

most

Correct word choice

biggest

show examples

struggles for parolees.

This

is because the vast majority of employers might

Unnecessary verb

apply

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not want to hire or employ ex-prisons, which can affect negatively

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apply

show examples

the reputation of the company.

This

leads to those

people

having difficulties

for

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apply

show examples

paying their living costs,

therefore

, they continuously commit certain crimes

such

as robbing or stealing to earn money to feed themselves or their family. The second reason is the feeling of isolation, ex-inmates are not likely to be accepted by their neighbours or even their family members. Which can make the parolees feel frustrated and lonely. To reduce the feeling of loneliness, those

people

may find drugs and use them to help them relieve stress or anxiety and

as a result

, they repeat crime.

However

, these problems can be avoided by supporting the state

as well as

changing the outlook of the surrounding

people

. On one hand, the government should create more low-skill jobs to help the ex-offenders

can

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earn money to cover their life. Since they will spend time working and focusing on their career

instead

of getting drugs or doing something bad. Which may result in the rate of re-offender will decrease gradually.

On the other hand

, the loved ones or the neighbours of the

ex- prisoners

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ex-prisoners

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should have a positive attitude towards those

people

and give them more opportunities to rebuild their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Thus

, they can focus on improving their life and getting away from crimes. In conclusion, the causes of ex-criminals returning to their bad way are a lack of jobs for them and being isolated by society.

The

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reasonable

solutions

Fix the agreement mistake

solution

show examples

should be adopted to resolve

this

issue.

Submitted by nguyenduygovap on Sun Dec 03 2023

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Coherence Cohesion

While your essay provides a clear overall structure with an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs would benefit from clearer topic sentences. The transitions between ideas need to be smoother to enhance the logical flow. Try expanding on your linking phrases and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed.

Task Achievement

You addressed the task and presented relevant ideas, but the essay would improve with a more thorough exploration of the causes and solutions. To enhance task achievement, focus on including more elaboration, development, and specific examples to adequately support your points. This deeper analysis will create a more complete response to the task prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Rehabilitation
Reintegrate
Social stigma
Recidivism
Criminal records
Ex-offender
Associations
Comprehensive
Workforce
Mentoring
Incentivize
Stigmatize
Subsidies
Legitimate

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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribe by their doctor for their aliments.

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends. They have just sent you some photos of your holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Thank them for the photos and for the holiday Explain why you don't write earlier Invite them to como and stay with you.

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.