Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison

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These days, there are numerous offenders still breaking the law when they are just released from jail. I believe that

this

Linking Words

circumstance is caused by some reasons and it

also

Linking Words

has several effective ways to resolve

this

Linking Words

issue. Those newly released from prison have to face

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

various difficult situations. First and foremost, financial strain is one of the

most

Correct word choice

biggest

show examples

struggles for parolees.

This

Linking Words

is because the vast majority of employers might

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not want to hire or employ ex-prisons, which can affect negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the reputation of the company.

This

Linking Words

leads to those

people

Use synonyms

having difficulties

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

paying their living costs,

therefore

Linking Words

, they continuously commit certain crimes

such

Linking Words

as robbing or stealing to earn money to feed themselves or their family. The second reason is the feeling of isolation, ex-inmates are not likely to be accepted by their neighbours or even their family members. Which can make the parolees feel frustrated and lonely. To reduce the feeling of loneliness, those

people

Use synonyms

may find drugs and use them to help them relieve stress or anxiety and

as a result

Linking Words

, they repeat crime.

However

Linking Words

, these problems can be avoided by supporting the state

as well as

Linking Words

changing the outlook of the surrounding

people

Use synonyms

. On one hand, the government should create more low-skill jobs to help the ex-offenders

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

earn money to cover their life. Since they will spend time working and focusing on their career

instead

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of getting drugs or doing something bad. Which may result in the rate of re-offender will decrease gradually.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the loved ones or the neighbours of the

ex- prisoners

Correct your spelling

ex-prisoners

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should have a positive attitude towards those

people

Use synonyms

and give them more opportunities to rebuild their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, they can focus on improving their life and getting away from crimes. In conclusion, the causes of ex-criminals returning to their bad way are a lack of jobs for them and being isolated by society.

The

Correct article usage

show examples

reasonable

solutions

Fix the agreement mistake

solution

show examples

should be adopted to resolve

this

Linking Words

issue.

Submitted by nguyenduygovap on Sun Dec 03 2023

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Coherence Cohesion

While your essay provides a clear overall structure with an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs would benefit from clearer topic sentences. The transitions between ideas need to be smoother to enhance the logical flow. Try expanding on your linking phrases and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed.

Task Achievement

You addressed the task and presented relevant ideas, but the essay would improve with a more thorough exploration of the causes and solutions. To enhance task achievement, focus on including more elaboration, development, and specific examples to adequately support your points. This deeper analysis will create a more complete response to the task prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

330 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Rehabilitation
Reintegrate
Social stigma
Recidivism
Criminal records
Ex-offender
Associations
Comprehensive
Workforce
Mentoring
Incentivize
Stigmatize
Subsidies
Legitimate

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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that is possible to tell a lot about a person's culture and character from their choice of clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that governments should take a large portion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work. To what extent do you agree?

The government has the duty to ensure its citizens have a healthy diet, while others believe it is individuals' responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.