IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summeries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summeries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #summeries #information #features #comparisons
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The graphs below show two different things, the first graph illustrates the percentages of households with electrical appliances from 1920 to 2019,
while
Linking Words
 the other shows the number of hours of housework every week, and
also
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 at the same time.
Over all
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Overall
show examples
, it can be seen that all
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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three machines had risen over the period,
although
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 the refrigerator was the lowest amount
on
Change preposition
in
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 1920, it increased rapidly by the years even before 2019.
Moreover
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, the proportion of housework had
dicreased
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decreased
. For the first tool, the washing machine, 40% of ownership in 1920, and
at the end
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 it
rised
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raised
rise
rose
for
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to
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 75%. As for the
vacume
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vacuum
 cleaner , started
from
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at
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 30% and ended
with
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at
show examples
 100%
since
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in
show examples
 the 2000s. The second one of tools increased very high from zero
percent
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per cent
show examples
 to a hundred by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1980 and each one had a refrigerator.
Secondly
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, in 1920 the
hourse
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house
horse
hours
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 above 40 and fell down fastly to 15. The final number for the
hourse
Correct your spelling
hours
house
horse
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 10
at the end
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 of the period.
Submitted by shireen.asadi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ownership
  • Electrical appliances
  • Households
  • Decrease
  • Increase
  • Correlation
  • Period
  • Adoption
  • Universal
  • Minimal
  • Significant
  • Early years
  • Mid-century
  • Modern era
  • Data trends
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