Advertisements play a major role on TV in market economics. Despite the benefits of such information, many people criticize the role of TV advertising. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Nowadays, it is true that
advertisements
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appear in the majority of television shows and affect the economy.
While
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some believe that
TV
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advertising can convey beneficial information, others argue that they are harmful.
This
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essay will explore both perspectives that I agree and disagree with, and present my personal viewpoint. In
this
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materialistic society, commercial promotions are ubiquitous, and it is widely agreed that
this
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phenomenon can be annoying. One of the significant influences is that sometimes
advertisements
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interrupt the video playing. In today's digital age,
people
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often watch shows and films on
TV
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or streaming platforms in their casual time. It can be very frustrating to get interfered with when
people
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relax.
Furthermore
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, there is no limitation for
advertisements
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playing on
TV
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. Without criteria, improper content
such
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as violence could be displayed on the television
while
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children are watching, and
this
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accident is detrimental to the mental development of underage youths.
On the other hand
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,
TV
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advertising can
also
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bring various benefits.
For example
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, if
people
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are eager to purchase a specific product,
advertisements
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can easily announce information about the commodity.
As a consequence
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,
this
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immediately offers
people
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a channel to achieve their purpose via media.
Moreover
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, it is undeniable that the commercial advertising strategy is powerful, and generates plenty of income for corporations by promoting the product. A thriving company can
also
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create considerable job opportunities, and result in a flourishing economy in a country. In conclusion, it is evident that there are both merits and drawbacks to
TV
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advertising. From my perspective, it is essential for
this
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type of commercial manners to strike a delicate balance between its profit and negative influences.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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task achievement
The introduction could be improved by clearly stating your position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement. It's important to clearly outline your stance to align with the task requirement.
task achievement
Make sure to explicitly address the prompt's question. While general opinions are given, there was no clear extent to which you agree or disagree as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. This includes using synonyms, transition phrases, and clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further with more specific examples to support your points. This would help the reader to understand and engage with your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be more decisive and reiterate your viewpoint more strongly to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
For a higher band score, varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary would demonstrate a more proficient command of the language.
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