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Band 7.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on family life and society?

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Today, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who delay childbirth has risen significantly.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind
this
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 tendency before clarifying its merits for each household and the entire community. There is sufficient evidence to infer that
people
Use synonyms
 intend to have infants later in their lives.
Firstly
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, it could help
people
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 have a successful career path.
For example
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, they have time to focus on cultivating relevant job skills,
such
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 as management, teamwork, or problem-solving ability, which could greatly improve their competency to compete with other colleagues and quickly be promoted in their profession.
Secondly
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, young couples postponing parenthood could completely enjoy their lives. To be more specific, without the responsibility of bringing up offspring, the young do not face a financial burden so they can spend money on travel that enriches their knowledge and releases the stress from work, and
this
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 could improve their performance at the workplace. The phenomenon of delaying giving birth could positively influence both families and society. One benefit is that citizens making
this
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 decision could contribute more to the countries.
This
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 is because they are likely to be placed in high positions in their firms, which means they have a high salary, so they pay higher amounts of taxes to the government budget to build more public facilities or pass a law that supports
people
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 in the lower classes.
Furthermore
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, older parents could raise their children in the best way. In fact, these individuals might have decent incomes and life experience, so they could not only teach them necessary abilities,
such
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 as patience, business, or communication but
also
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 afford the expensive tuition of quality education or even study abroad, thereby guaranteeing their babies a bright future. In conclusion, there are some underlying motives behind the increase in the decision to prioritise late childbirth, and I would contend that it could bring about a host of profound benefits.

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Task Achievement
Add more detailed examples to clarify your points even further. While your arguments are clear, incorporating specific, detailed examples can enhance the overall impact and clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures and employing a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. This will make your writing more dynamic and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
For higher scores, ensure your examples are not only relevant but also deeply explored to demonstrate comprehensive understanding and analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making your introduction and conclusion more impactful by succinctly summarizing your main points and emphasizing the significance of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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