IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others claim that zoos has positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #zoos #impact
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People have different opinions towards
zoos
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'
existence
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. Some may think that
zoos
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 are a good place for us to know more about
animals
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.
However
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, A lot of people think that
zoos
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 should be banned. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that we have to close all the
zoos
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 that exist
due to
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 the fact that in
zoos
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,
animals
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 can lose their natural instinct slowly, and many
zoos
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 have bad maintenance which definitely will affect their animal collection.
Besides
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 that, numerous people think that
zoos
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 still have a positive impact. The
existence
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 of
zoos
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 is useful for children's educational purposes. Usually, in kindergarten and elementary school, they have a study tour program where one of the main choices is
zoos
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. By visiting
zoos
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, they can
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 more about animal characteristics and their behaviour.
For instance
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, a lion is a carnivore which means it will be dangerous if we come closer to them so we have to make a distance.
On the other hand
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,
zoos
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 have negative impacts on the
animals
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 themselves. Their
existence
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 actually broke the rule of animal welfare.
Zoos
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 are not animal natural habitats. Like a tiger or elephant, they have to live in a jungle rather than in a cage which is smaller than nature. It can affect their instinct as an animal.
Furthermore
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, there are so many cases related to the
zoos
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' bad maintenance. The management prefers to pursue more profit
while
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 not taking care of their
animals
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. In conclusion, the
existence
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 of
zoos
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 has benefits and costs. Comparing both sides, I think all
zoos
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 should be closed because we have to care more about
animals
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, they are
also
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 like humans that have a right to live freely in their habitat. Nowadays, we can still learn about
animals
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 without visiting
zoos
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, with the advancement of technology we can know more about them.
Submitted by mmmuuu on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are organised in a logical manner and that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed coherently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, but be careful not to overuse them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and explanations to support your arguments more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views presented in the prompt and providing a clear opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Extend the development of ideas with elaboration and supporting details that are relevant to the topic.
Task Achievement
Make sure examples are directly related to the points being made and contribute to a clearer understanding of your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • breeding programs
  • wildlife reserves
  • animal behavior
  • psychological stress
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • moral questions
  • animal welfare
  • educational resources
  • community engagement
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • sanctuaries
  • natural habitats
  • virtual reality
  • digital platforms
  • exploitation
  • neglect
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