Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others claim that zoos has positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #zoos #impact

People have different opinions towards

zoos

existence

. Some may think that

zoos

are a good place for us to know more about

animals

However

, A lot of people think that

zoos

should be banned. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that we have to close all the

zoos

that exist

due to

the fact that in

zoos

animals

can lose their natural instinct slowly, and many

zoos

have bad maintenance which definitely will affect their animal collection.

Besides

that, numerous people think that

zoos

still have a positive impact. The

existence

zoos

is useful for children's educational purposes. Usually, in kindergarten and elementary school, they have a study tour program where one of the main choices is

zoos

. By visiting

zoos

, they can

know

Verb problem

learn

show examples

more about animal characteristics and their behaviour.

For instance

, a lion is a carnivore which means it will be dangerous if we come closer to them so we have to make a distance.

On the other hand

zoos

have negative impacts on the

animals

themselves. Their

existence

actually broke the rule of animal welfare.

Zoos

are not animal natural habitats. Like a tiger or elephant, they have to live in a jungle rather than in a cage which is smaller than nature. It can affect their instinct as an animal.

Furthermore

, there are so many cases related to the

zoos

' bad maintenance. The management prefers to pursue more profit

while

not taking care of their

animals

. In conclusion, the

existence

zoos

has benefits and costs. Comparing both sides, I think all

zoos

should be closed because we have to care more about

animals

, they are

also

like humans that have a right to live freely in their habitat. Nowadays, we can still learn about

animals

without visiting

zoos

, with the advancement of technology we can know more about them.

Submitted by mmmuuu on Sun Dec 24 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that your ideas are organised in a logical manner and that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed coherently.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, but be careful not to overuse them.

Coherence and Cohesion

Develop your main points more fully with specific examples and explanations to support your arguments more convincingly.

Task Achievement

Address all parts of the task by discussing both views presented in the prompt and providing a clear opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.

Task Achievement

Extend the development of ideas with elaboration and supporting details that are relevant to the topic.

Task Achievement

Make sure examples are directly related to the points being made and contribute to a clearer understanding of your viewpoint.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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