IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
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Some
people
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 believe
that is
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 good to share as much
information
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 as possible in scientific research,
business
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 and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world. Others believe that some
information
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 is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own
opinion
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. It is argued that some individuals believe
that is
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 important to share all
information
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 as much as possible in scientific research,
business
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 and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 world. Others think that some private
information
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that is
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 secret and vital to be shared freely. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both statements and give my own
opinion
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.
To begin
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 with, there is the belief that we have
many
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apply
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information
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 about education and
business
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 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential for
people
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 to know for free, and
also
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,
in
Change preposition
on
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 the internet we have important
information
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 that easily
achieve
Wrong verb form
be achieved
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 with a simple search, what is more, all the
information
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 are free and they make money from advertisement not from the
information
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.
Furthermore
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, for students who are studying and working on their article is vital to have
access
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 to
this
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information
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 for free because they do not make any money from studying so they do not have
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
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 for
information
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 or for
business
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people
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 who are starting their own
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 it is essential that collect some
information
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 about their businesses.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that important
information
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 should have been accessible with payment, and secret
information
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 if they leaked
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would ruin all businesses, and
also
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, if someone
need
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needed
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this
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 essential
information
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 they would pay for it. Not only vital
information
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 should not be accessible but
also
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 they should set prices based on their value.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 for student and academic purposes, universities should pay for
information
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 and for
business
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,
business
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people
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 should pay money to
access
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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 essential
information
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. In my
opinion
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, all the
information
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 should have been free because as a student I have to learn new technology and new
information
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 and
also
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 as a developer, I think It is important to have
access
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 to
information
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 for free because I work for a company and I add features
this
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 world and
also
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 I shared all my code on GitHub to everyone can use it for their work as a student I share my article to be seen in public newspaper and magazine . In conclusion, I examine both
side
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sides
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, on the one
hand
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hand,
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 some
people
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 say that
information
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 should be free,
on the other hand
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 some
people
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 say that
information
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 that they are important and secret should not be free, personly, I
gave
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
 my
opinion
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 and all
information
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 should be easy to
access
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 and priceless.
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task response
Task Response: The response addresses the prompt, but the ideas are not fully developed and lack detail. The writer should ensure the essay directly answers the question posed, thoroughly discusses both sides, and provides a clear, personal stance backed up with concrete examples and reasons.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The response demonstrates issues in logical structuring and progression of ideas. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be presented in a logical sequence. Coherence could be improved by using a range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: