IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some health professionals suggest that older people spend more time socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy, but many retired people have experienced loneliness and a lack of fitness. Why has this happened? What can be done to address this?

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Some health experts indicate that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should allocate more time to socialising with their acquaintances and working out to keep fit.
However
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, Individuals who have been retired have suffered from loneliness and are less healthy. Some reasons,
such
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 as lack of support from their surroundings and loosening the excitement, might cause
this
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 to happen.
This
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 essay will examine the issues and propose potential solutions. First of all, a common problem that older
people
Use synonyms
 have is that their family members have grown and have moved on.
This
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 fact impacts their lives on a daily basis because most of the time they are alone,
as a result
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, they need to have their own motivation in order to keep fit. Some might survive, but some might end up becoming demotivated. As a first step, their families should spend regular time visiting their old parents. The frequency of visiting older
people
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 can be adjusted to their family’s schedule.
For instance
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, they can gather once or twice a month.
Secondly
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, the fact that older
people
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 have experienced a variety of events makes them lose their excitement about life.
This
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 phenomenon affects the way they do their daily routines. To tackle
this
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, they should have companions from those who have the same backgrounds.
This
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 can be done by assigning them to an elderly
people
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's social club in town. There are many activities that can be done,
such
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 as reading clubs, cooking classes, or dancing clubs. These sorts of routines fill their minds with positive things,
hence
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, they will be more passionate about their lives. In summary, being left by offspring and a lack of enthusiasm have discouraged
people
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 to socialise and play sports. To address them, we should check on them regularly and introduce them to a group of
people
Use synonyms
 who are having the same issues.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and expands on it with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing to structure your essay appropriately, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should follow logically from the one before it.
task achievement
Work on developing and supporting your main points more fully. This can be done by giving more specific examples and explanations to back up your points.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more thoroughly. Make sure that your response fully develops an argument, addresses all aspects of the topic, and reaches a clear conclusion that summarises your main points.
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