IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Additional police enforcement is the most effective alternative to reduce the number of car accidents. Do you agree or disagree?

#police #enforcement #alternative #car #accidents
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Accidents
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 happen every day. They involve so many factors that, unfortunately, can go wrong at any given time. In the context of
car
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accidents
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, these factors consist of the driver, the
car
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, and the
road
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condition
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. These three things are essential for maintaining safe and incident-free driving. By adding additional
police
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 forces on the
road
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, I believe the number of
car
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accidents
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 could be reduced.
Firstly
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,
police
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 forces could help prevent driving mishaps by constantly monitoring the
road
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. They could conduct regular patrols to ensure that the
road
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 is in a suitable
condition
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 for driving. If it is not, they have the authority to close the
road
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 to prevent any unwanted events.
Secondly
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, they are allowed to check a driver's
condition
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 to ensure that they do not pose a threat to the safety of other drivers. They can pull over individuals who they suspect may be endangering the safety of others and assess their physical and mental
condition
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.
Lastly
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, in emergency situations
such
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 as brake failure or speeding,
police
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 officers are trained to handle these incidents and prevent any potential harm. They can call for necessary professionals to assist them and prevent any malicious actions on the
road
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. In conclusion, I believe that
police
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 enforcement is the most effective and efficient way to reduce the number of
car
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accidents
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 their professionalism and authority in maintaining order on the
road
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. They will continue to provide a safe driving environment and protect people on the
road
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 from unwanted events.
Submitted by fadiljayaputra on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your paragraphs follow a logical sequence and that ideas transition smoothly from one to the next to enhance the overall structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are necessary, but they must also clearly present the thesis and summarize the main points respectively, without introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points must be developed with detailed support and clear relevance to the thesis. Aim to expand on your points with specific evidence or examples.
task achievement
It's important to fully address the prompt by providing a complete argument with a clear opinion supported by reasons and examples throughout the essay. You should expand more on why additional police enforcement is the most effective alternative compared to other methods.
task achievement
Your ideas require more development for clarity and comprehensibility. Make certain that each paragraph elaborates on a single idea with clear explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, it would be beneficial to incorporate more relevant and specific examples that directly support your opinion. These can be real-life statistics, case studies, or hypothetical scenarios.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic regulations
  • deterrent
  • dangerous driving behaviors
  • disproportionately
  • financial burden
  • public education campaigns
  • infrastructural improvements
  • technology interventions
  • multifaceted approach
  • accountability mechanisms
  • abuses of power
  • erosion of public trust
  • road safety
  • strict enforcement
  • drunk driving
  • speeding
  • wearing seat belts
  • comprehensive solution
What to do next:
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