Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant adult. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are causes and what solutions can be taken?
Nowadays, being overweight and even obese in childhood is nothing new,
whereas
rarely could this
pressing problem
which is widespread be found in the past. In this
essay, two main roots of the problem
including lifestyle and the role of parents
and government are recognized and discussed.
Some proposed remedies are presented afterwards and finally
, some concluding remarks are given.
When it comes to the frequent cause of obesity, it is how much physical exercise to do and how often fast foods are eaten by children
that matter at first glance. Moreover
, how to control the children
when they want to stray away from the standard structure of eating normal meals can be another factor that plays a vital role. Also
, how the companies are allowed to advertise their products on TV and which curriculums at schools would be scheduled for promoting the
physical Correct article usage
apply
activities
can be considered as another cause of this
problem
.
To tackle this
problem
, children
should be banned from consuming junk foods mainly by taking the parents
' control and concurrently, the level
of physical activities
has to rise either by motivation offered by parents
at home or activities
designed by schools. Moreover
, the government needs to restrict the campaigns advertising the products harmful to health.
To conclude
, if the parents
and government had known that lacking control over the level
of physical activities
and the amount of consumed junk foods can run serious risks to children
's health, the current level
of disease would have eradicated
earlier. Add a missing verb
been eradicated
However
, instead
of playing computer games, it is proposed that children
do physical exercise at home or at school. Also
, decreasing the level
of advertisement which increases junk food consumerism can be decently affected.Submitted by hamidreza.rezaei21 on
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coherence cohesion
It is important for your essay to have a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Ensure that your introduction sets the stage for your argument, body paragraphs delve into specific causes and solutions, and the conclusion summarily addresses the points made and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
While you have presented some ideas and explanations, they require further development. Include more specific examples and clear, in-depth explanations to strengthen your arguments and ensure they fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Aim to create a logical flow within and between paragraphs. Make use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to link ideas and arguments coherently. This will make it easier for the reader to follow and understand your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. That includes discussing both causes and solutions with equal measure and providing relevant examples to support each point you make.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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