Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant adult. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are causes and what solutions can be taken?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, being overweight and even obese in childhood is nothing new,
whereas
Linking Words
rarely could
this
Linking Words
pressing
problem
Use synonyms
which is widespread be found in the past. In
this
Linking Words
essay, two main roots of the
problem
Use synonyms
including lifestyle and the role of
parents
Use synonyms
and government are recognized and discussed. Some proposed remedies are presented afterwards and
finally
Linking Words
, some concluding remarks are given. When it comes to the frequent cause of obesity, it is how much physical exercise to do and how often fast foods are eaten by
children
Use synonyms
that matter at first glance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, how to control the
children
Use synonyms
when they want to stray away from the standard structure of eating normal meals can be another factor that plays a vital role.
Also
Linking Words
, how the companies are allowed to advertise their products on TV and which curriculums at schools would be scheduled for promoting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
activities
Use synonyms
can be considered as another cause of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. To tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
should be banned from consuming junk foods mainly by taking the
parents
Use synonyms
' control and concurrently, the
level
Use synonyms
of physical
activities
Use synonyms
has to rise either by motivation offered by
parents
Use synonyms
at home or
activities
Use synonyms
designed by schools.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government needs to restrict the campaigns advertising the products harmful to health.
To conclude
Linking Words
, if the
parents
Use synonyms
and government had known that lacking control over the
level
Use synonyms
of physical
activities
Use synonyms
and the amount of consumed junk foods can run serious risks to
children
Use synonyms
's health, the current
level
Use synonyms
of disease would have
eradicated
Add a missing verb
been eradicated
show examples
earlier.
However
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
of playing computer games, it is proposed that
children
Use synonyms
do physical exercise at home or at school.
Also
Linking Words
, decreasing the
level
Use synonyms
of advertisement which increases junk food consumerism can be decently affected.
Submitted by hamidreza.rezaei21 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It is important for your essay to have a clear structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Ensure that your introduction sets the stage for your argument, body paragraphs delve into specific causes and solutions, and the conclusion summarily addresses the points made and reiterates your stance.
task achievement
While you have presented some ideas and explanations, they require further development. Include more specific examples and clear, in-depth explanations to strengthen your arguments and ensure they fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Aim to create a logical flow within and between paragraphs. Make use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to link ideas and arguments coherently. This will make it easier for the reader to follow and understand your line of reasoning.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task. That includes discussing both causes and solutions with equal measure and providing relevant examples to support each point you make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: