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Band 3

Q. Air pollution is currently a big issue in most industrialized cities causing respiratory problems and changes in weather patterns. What do you think are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce air pollution?

#q #air #pollution #cities #changes #weather #patterns #measures
It is observed that
air
pollution
 is currently a major issue in most
industialized
Correct your spelling
industrialized
industrialised
cities causing respiratory problems like asthma and lung cancer,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 it disturbs the climate patterns
like
Change preposition
apply
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sometimes more cooler and warmer than normal.
Air
pollution
is specifically causes
Change the verb form
is specifically caused
is specifically causing
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 When chemical gases
uses
Wrong verb form
used
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 in the industries
excreted
Add a missing verb
are excreted
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 in the
air
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
air
 involves the
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
show examples
 components. When individuals in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 specific polluted
area
takes
Change the verb form
take
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 breath their lungs
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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, and with the passage of
time
Add a comma
time,
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 it causes lungs
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 and
then
 death.
According to
 a survey of WHO (
world health organization
Correct your spelling
World Health Organization
show examples
) stated that globally,
air
pollution
 is responsible for about 7 million premature deaths per year from lung cancer. The most suitable solution for
this
 problem is to build factories far from the populated
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and manage the release of gases in an acceptable way.
Consequently
, the weather will not be polluted and the public will take
breath
Add an article
a breath
show examples
 in the fresh
air
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 government should start an expedition to
plan
Correct your spelling
plant
show examples
 trees and make their environment green, so they can keep their atmosphere out of
pollution
. In conclusion,
Air
pollution
 is caused by industries in the public
area
 and
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 human life. It can be solved by building industries outside of the main city
area
.
Submitted by jhonyxxx579 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task. While it touches upon causes and measures, it lacks detail and development of ideas. Consider expanding on each point with more examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the flow of ideas can be improved. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be stronger. Make your thesis statement more explicit in the introduction and summarize your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. Quantitative data, case studies, or comparisons can enhance the quality of your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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