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Band 7.5

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems?

#gap #people #situation #address
The gap between the rich and the poor is growing wider in many regions of the world.
While
 the problems that result are complex, fundamental solutions based on enhancing educational infrastructure should be adopted to tackle
this
 problem. Increasing levels of poverty and rising wealth inequalities impact a country’s economic growth and citizens’ security. Economically, a substantial portion of the workforce, struggling with the
specter
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 of joblessness or ensnared in low-wage jobs, directly affects domestic businesses,
such
 as local shops and factories. Nobody has money to buy their products, so they are forced to close, creating
further
 unemployment. In terms of public security, without the means of obtaining money through work, the poor may turn to crimes
such
 as drug trafficking, prostitution, robbery, and violent attacks on others. Youth unemployment has been linked to rising crime rates.
Therefore
, governments must expand educational opportunities to benefit all citizens and reduce the gap between the rich and the poor. Fostering a better standard of schooling in slums of cities and poor rural regions would enable children to reach higher educational attainment. Grants and scholarships could be used to help students to remain in education for longer and gain qualifications. Technical education could be expanded, helping poorer young individuals to learn trades. In construction, engineering, and agriculture, a highly- educated workforce will be needed in the future, and skilled workers will be able to command high salaries and enjoy a decent standard of living. As work opportunities improve, crime rates will fall. In conclusion, tackling
this
 issue at its very foundation through the development of comprehensive educational systems is pivotal for reducing the wealth gap and ensuring sustainable and inclusive growth.
Submitted by aamenis on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses both parts of the question by providing a more balanced discussion of both problems and solutions related to the wealth gap. Additionally, include a wider range of relevant, specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
For enhanced coherence and cohesion, make more use of linking words and phrases to show clear connections between ideas and paragraphs. Moreover, varying sentence structure and ensuring smooth transitions would further strengthen the essay's flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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