IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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In some schools, there is a compulsory curriculum that high
school
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students
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 are required to engage in
community
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 services without getting paid. Under the circumstances, there has been contention over whether they should be mandatory. In my opinion, it is vitally important for
students
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 to connect to local communities, as not only will it enhance a sense of belonging, but it will
also
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 result in fostering
students
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’
communication
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skills
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.
To begin
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, participating in
community
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 service experiences will strengthen a sense of belonging to local communities. Most
students
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 have a tendency to confine themselves to
school
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 settings and merely prepare for academic exams. In
this
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 situation,
although
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 they could develop a strong bond with their peers, it would be difficult for them to connect with people in the vicinity of the
school
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.
Thus
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,
this
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 opportunity will bring significant merits
such
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 as knowing local people, businesses and services,
as a result
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 of which they could develop a sense of appreciation and belonging to the
community
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. Another crucial aspect of
this
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 experience is with regard to
communication
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skills
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. Again, if
students
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 were to spend the majority of their time at
school
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, they would not converse with any strangers and locals.
However
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, by pushing themselves to step out of their comfort zone, which is their high
school
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 environment in
this
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 scenario, they would be able to gain more confidence in
communication
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. The more confidence they have, they will be more likely to have higher communicative
skills
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 in the long run. In conclusion,
while
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 some may argue that high
school
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students
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’ main focus should be on academic study, I strongly believe that
community
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 experience will provide
students
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 with something that they cannot gain
such
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 as a strong bond with the
community
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as well as
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 establishing a foundation of
communication
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skills
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.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

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Task Achievement
To improve the score for task achievement, ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by providing a clear stance in the introduction alongside a more detailed explanation of this position throughout the essay. Although the essay currently agrees with the statement, the overall argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and exploration of counterarguments to create a more balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, it's beneficial to make logical connections between ideas even more explicit. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary sentence structures. Ensuring this can help link ideas more fluidly and can make the essay easier to follow. Additionally, revisiting the conclusion to make a stronger, more impactful final statement could improve its quality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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