IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
In some schools, there is a compulsory curriculum that high
school
students
 are required to engage in
community
 services without getting paid. Under the circumstances, there has been contention over whether they should be mandatory. In my opinion, it is vitally important for
students
 to connect to local communities, as not only will it enhance a sense of belonging, but it will
also
 result in fostering
students
’
communication
skills
.
To begin
, participating in
community
 service experiences will strengthen a sense of belonging to local communities. Most
students
 have a tendency to confine themselves to
school
 settings and merely prepare for academic exams. In
this
 situation,
although
 they could develop a strong bond with their peers, it would be difficult for them to connect with people in the vicinity of the
school
.
Thus
,
this
 opportunity will bring significant merits
such
 as knowing local people, businesses and services,
as a result
 of which they could develop a sense of appreciation and belonging to the
community
. Another crucial aspect of
this
 experience is with regard to
communication
skills
. Again, if
students
 were to spend the majority of their time at
school
, they would not converse with any strangers and locals.
However
, by pushing themselves to step out of their comfort zone, which is their high
school
 environment in
this
 scenario, they would be able to gain more confidence in
communication
. The more confidence they have, they will be more likely to have higher communicative
skills
 in the long run. In conclusion,
while
 some may argue that high
school
students
’ main focus should be on academic study, I strongly believe that
community
 experience will provide
students
 with something that they cannot gain
such
 as a strong bond with the
community
as well as
 establishing a foundation of
communication
skills
.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve the score for task achievement, ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by providing a clear stance in the introduction alongside a more detailed explanation of this position throughout the essay. Although the essay currently agrees with the statement, the overall argument could be strengthened with more specific examples and exploration of counterarguments to create a more balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, it's beneficial to make logical connections between ideas even more explicit. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and vary sentence structures. Ensuring this can help link ideas more fluidly and can make the essay easier to follow. Additionally, revisiting the conclusion to make a stronger, more impactful final statement could improve its quality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: