IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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It is often argued that a large number of adolescents are used to accessing for Internet without parental supervision.
However
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, these unauthorised use of online
activities
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 will not only create unexpected situations but
also
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 be frightening to young people. In
this
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 essay, I shall look into the problems of
this
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 phenomenon, and suggest some ideas to address
this
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 issue. There are a number of issues that have been arising by teenagers owing to going online without parental monitoring.
Firstly
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, the excessive use of online-based
activities
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 may create health-related issues
such
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 as obesity, eye problems, insomnia etc.
Secondly
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, if young children are not supervised by their guardians,
then
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 they will tend to engage in online crimes like hacking, scamming, and earning money in illegal ways.
For example
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, many early offspring use internet-based apps including Bkash, and Nagad to make money through fraudulent
activities
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 across the world. There are a variety of effective solutions to tackle the aforementioned difficulties relating to having online
activities
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 by little children without parental oversight. On the one hand, the guardian may not allow digital devices particularly smartphones and laptops for their children.
On the other hand
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, addiction to online
activities
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 might be controlled, if the guardian imposes restrictions by limiting the time in technological devices.
For instance
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, nowadays, most smartphones have features on how to restrict excessive and unauthorised internet-based
activities
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 through various built-in or third-party apps. In conclusion, it is challenging to prevent
this
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 issue. Unmonitored entry to the internet by the early offspring has been creating a lot of issues not only at the individual level but
also
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 in society.
However
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, we may improve
this
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 situation by providing the proper guidelines and supervision among little ones about the right uses of technological devices.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear logical structure throughout your essay. Organize your ideas into well-structured paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable, each serving their purpose. The introduction should set the stage for your argument, and the conclusion should summarize and restate your main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and detailed explanations. Avoid overly broad statements and instead provide concrete details to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond completely to all parts of the task. Address all questions or instructions in the prompt thoroughly, showing that you understand the issues at stake.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas in your writing. Your essay should communicate your points effectively and avoid vagueness to ensure the reader can follow your argument without confusion.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to back up your claims. Use examples from real life, studies, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly related to the issues being discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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