Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to work at a job you enjoy than to make a lot of money. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there has been a significant rise in the number of people advocating for the importance of job satisfaction over financial remuneration.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend presents both advantages and disadvantages, I believe that the merits outweigh the demerits. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will delve into the relevant aspects of
this
Linking Words
debate, providing factual justifications for my stance. Several compelling arguments support my viewpoint.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when expectations are not met, the person may experience diminished motivation, potentially affecting their professional relationships.
This
Linking Words
stems from the fact that when employment is solely driven by financial gain, delayed or unpaid compensation can erode dedication and compromise.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a positive and supportive work environment can foster a challenging yet rewarding experience, where financial bonuses serve as an additional incentive.
This
Linking Words
is because witnessing the tangible outcomes of one's labour often motivates them to
further
Linking Words
enhance their productivity. Research conducted by the Department of American Society corroborates
this
Linking Words
notion,
further
Linking Words
solidifying the validity of
this
Linking Words
proposition. Based on the aforementioned discussion, it is evident that the importance of job satisfaction surpasses that of financial compensation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the positive effects of a fulfilling work environment are undeniable and should not be overlooked.
While
Linking Words
there are strong arguments on both sides of the debate, my personal opinion is to prioritize happiness in one's professional endeavours. I wholeheartedly recommend that you carefully weigh the pros and cons of each available option to make an informed decision. In conclusion, forced retirement is reasonable in terms of safety and successful completion of assigned responsibilities.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
policy ignores the benefits of retaining experienced staff,
such
Linking Words
as utilizing their knowledge and skills in complex situations that require in-depth research and ingenuity. What is required is improved communication between the old and young generations. Still, think that life can and should be enjoyed at any age.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Task Achievement: The response fails to directly address the prompt, which is whether it is more important to work at a job you enjoy than to make a lot of money. As such, the focus on safety and successful completion of assigned responsibilities seems tangential. To score higher, ensure that the response is directly related to the question and provide relevant examples to support the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks clear logical sequencing of ideas, and some points appear disjointed. To improve, use cohesive devices appropriately and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, establishing a clear line of argumentation throughout the essay. Employ topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to provide clear signposts to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: