Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Teenagers
nowadays prefer to socialize online rather than meeting in person.
This
essay will discuss what issues it causes and what potential solutions to encourage
teenagers
to spend more
time
meeting one another person. Human beings are social creatures. As simple as fulfilling our basic needs, we need to buy the rice planted by the farmers. We need each other to live. To accommodate that, we need to talk to each other or we can call it socializing. But these days, with the current development of technology, we can communicate with others not face-to-face only, but we can do it virtually,
for example
, by
phone
calls, video calls, or sending messages. These lead us, and especially the
teenagers
to be too dependent on the
phone
and prefer to do virtual communication than meeting in person.
However
, we can take several measures to solve
this
issue. One practical solution to solve
this
problem is to reduce screen
time
as much as possible by doing activities without a mobile
phone
. These days
teenagers
are too dependent on their phones.
This
leads to addiction to mobile phones are high. By decreasing the screen
time
means we reduce the
phone
usage.
Moreover
,
teenagers
can do other positive activities
while
reducing their screen
time
by reading a book, doing sports, or spending more
time
with family or friends. In conclusion, virtual communications are not bad for us and
teenagers
. But, we can be more intimate by doing face-to-face communication and quality
time
. Spend your
time
with your loved one more, rather than on your
phone
.
Submitted by syifahilyatsaniya on

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Task Achievement
While your essay addresses the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of Task Achievement. Ensure that you explicitly answer both questions posed by the prompt. For example, discuss specific reasons why teenagers prefer online socialization and offer clear, distinct measures to promote in-person interaction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents ideas in a logical order, but you can enhance the coherence and cohesion by using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as reference words, substitution, and ellipsis, to link ideas more smoothly. Also, consider developing paragraphs fully by expanding on each main point with detailed support and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
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