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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the director of the college wants to avoid this problem by bannig mobile phone use in college beacuse the phones has benn stolen, write report with advantages , disadvantages of this idea and recommendations

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Banning mobile
phone
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 use in college Introduction In light of a marked increase in mobile
phone
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 thefts on campus, the college administration is contemplating a prohibition on their use within the premises. The purpose of
this
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 report is to evaluate the potential benefits and drawbacks of
such
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 a ban and to provide well-considered recommendations to address the issue effectively. Advantages
Firstly
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, prohibiting mobile
phones
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 would likely diminish theft incidents, thereby fostering a safer environment for
students
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.
Moreover
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, without the distraction of mobile
phones
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,
students
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 could potentially exhibit greater concentration during lectures, enhancing their academic performance.
Furthermore
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, the absence of mobile
phones
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 might encourage
students
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 to engage in more face-to-face interactions, thereby improving their social and communication skills. Disadvantages
However
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, there are significant disadvantages to consider. A prohibition on mobile
phones
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 could impede
students
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' ability to communicate with family and friends during emergencies, potentially leading to increased anxiety.
Additionally
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, many
students
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 depend on their devices for academic purposes,
such
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 as accessing study materials and managing their schedules, which could be disrupted by a restriction.
Moreover
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, implementing
such
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 a policy might face considerable resistance from the student body, leading to potential issues with compliance and enforcement. Recommendations My recommendation would be to ban of partial way as a more balanced approach. Restricting mobile
phone
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 usage during classes and examinations
while
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 permitting it during breaks would help mitigate distractions without entirely cutting off
students
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' access.
Additionally
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, the college should initiate an awareness campaign to educate
students
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 on the risks of mobile
phone
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 theft and the importance of responsible usage.
Lastly
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, enhancing campus security with additional security cameras and watchmen could deter thefts, offering a comprehensive solution that addresses safety concerns without necessitating a complete ban.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Make sure to maintain this logical flow in every paragraph. You could slightly improve the linkage between different sections with more transitional phrases.
task achievement
Your response is thorough and addresses all aspects of the prompt. Providing more specific examples, particularly in the 'Recommendations' section, could strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly outlines the issue and summarizes the recommendations.
task achievement
The points presented are clear and cover both advantages and disadvantages comprehensively. The recommendations are practical and well-reasoned.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mobile phone ban
  • incidence of theft
  • educational purposes
  • emergencies
  • campus security
  • student body resistance
  • secure storage options
  • specified times
  • awareness programs
  • phone safety
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