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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
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It is thought by a few people that young teenagers should have the same chastisement as adults who commit severe crimes
however
, some of them ponder that it could have a sharp negative impact on their behaviour if they get hard penalties from the judicial system. As far as I am concerned I adamantly disagree with
this
 statement in
this
 essay I will discuss the reason
as well as
 try to give an opinion from my best experience. To commence with the first reason why I oppose the statement is that young offspring do have not the ability to think about what is wrong or what is right for them. To elaborate on
this
, sometimes, offspring are involved in bad beer groups and try to do some wrong exercises
due to
 the pressure of bad friends but they do have not their own mind behind the same misdeed that they commit
due to
 pressure.
For example
, a survey conducted by the criminal department in India revealed that 6 out of 10 join criminal exercises
due to
 bad peer group pressure.
Consequently
, these wrongdoings lead young teenagers towards serious crimes if they do not stop at the beginning.
moreover
, the lack of knowledge and education always leads the young ones towards bad actions. To explain
this
 majority of kids join bad companies
due to
 the inability to receive appropriate intervention from their parents and the horizon of their brain is very limited bringing them toward any direction whether
that is
 good or bad.
For instance
, in third-world countries, the majority of adult contribute their proportion to bad actions owing to a lack of education and limited knowledge.
Hence
 the government make sure to give appropriate counselling to them to keep them on track.
on the contrary
, some believe that they should receive appropriate or very tough measures that would convey a message to offenders and help them avoid criminal activities that may help them get on track and
this
 may
also
 assist in reducing crime around us. In conclusion , all those penalties toward young people may spread the message of ringing a bill to stop wrong activities yet I believe that the government should use alternate ways to bring the young ones on track
such
 as counselling sessions or separate schools or colleges that give good education and promote them toward the society as a good citizen.
Submitted by jagdeepsandhu8912 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that introduction and conclusion are distinct and fully developed. This gives the essay a clear structure and helps the reader to understand your position from the beginning.
Paragraph Structure
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea you will discuss. This helps in maintaining logical structure throughout the essay.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. These can be from studies, reports, or your own experiences, as long as they directly support your argument.
Task Completion
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. It's important to cover all aspects of the prompt fully.
Clarity of Expression
Work on expressing your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Aim for precision in language and clarity of argument to make your essay more coherent.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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