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Band 3.5

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians what are the reason for this it is a positive or negative development.

#celebrities #money #politicians #reason #development
Celebrities
 and
politicians
 are two popular professions and widely known since a few decades ago for their high incomes and many other benefits. In recent years, in fact,
celebrities
 have gained more
money
 and income than
politicians
 for some reasons. The first reason why
celebrities
 gain more
money
 is because of their popularity. Popular artists with a large number of fans will be paid a lot of
money
 only for one show or one job.
This
 is considerable because of their impact on societies and made TV channels get more profits.
Moreover
, many companies are willing to pay big
money
 for popular artists to promote the company's products on their social accounts Instagram or TikTok.
Celebrities
also
 earn
money
 and income from their YouTube channel.
This
 is the second reason that makes them gain more income than
politicians
. Unlike
politicians
 with hectic meetings scheduled daily,
celebrities
 have more free time which can be used to make content on their YouTube channel. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
 phenomenon where
celebrities
 earn more
money
 than
politicians
, I personally agree that
this
 is a positive
circumstances
Change the noun form
circumstance
show examples
due to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some reasons.
Submitted by Deddymus on

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Task Response
The essay should include a clear introduction stating the topic and the writer's opinion. Additionally, a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on whether the trend is positive or negative should be presented, followed by a clear conclusion summarizing your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim to have a more logical structure by including topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, which will help in guiding the reader through your argument. Include a wider variety of connectives and discourse markers to improve the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Be sure to fully develop your argument with specific examples to illustrate your points. Each main point should be expanded with detailed explanation and evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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