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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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In
this
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 era, there is a wide variety of
music
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 all around the world. In some cases,
music
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 plays a vital role in our lives like our daily routine, our goals, our feelings and so on which all of us need to
music
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.
Although
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 traditional
music
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 is the identity of a country, it is not more important than other international
music
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. On the one hand,
music
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 has a significant impact on our lives. We always laugh and cry at different types of
music
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 but we should consider our body’s reactions to them and, the feelings and memories that we have from that
music
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. Some scientists claim that those who listen to
music
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 constantly live longer because of releasing some hormones in their bodies, and
also
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 the brain can maximize its tasks like jobs, daily routine, and so on. On the other,
music
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 can give us good or bad feelings. If we are upset and depressed, sad kinds of
music
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 provide some situations to think about the best choice for tough situations.
In contrast
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, happy pieces of
music
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 can motivate us to achieve our goals and engage our brains with hope. We should pay attention to keeping both of them balanced to prevent
overfeeling
Correct your spelling
overfeeding
over feeling
.
Although
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 traditional
music
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 is the identity of countries, there are some examples mentioned it is not more important necessarily. First of all, it depends on our memory and feeling.
For example
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,
music
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 is really important to a person, but others do not like it. Imagine a soldier who was in the war, and the only sounds that were heard were explosions and traditional
music
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 from the radio. For now, if they won that war,
this
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music
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 would be remembered as a positive and important
music
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 that they love to listen to repeatedly.
On the other hand
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, if they lost that war, that
music
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 gives them a bad feeling which they can not tolerate in their whole life. So the
importance
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 of traditional
music
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 refers to people’s sense which has memories of them. The
importance
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 of
music
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 might be considered international
music
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 too. There is no specific measurement for its
importance
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. In conclusion, humans need
music
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 as a crucial factor for their mood in life. Despite traditional
music
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 features, the human feeling can brighten the
importance
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 of types of
music
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction sets the tone for the essay by clearly stating your position on the issue. Your conclusion should nicely tie all your points together, without introducing any new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create a seamless flow between ideas and paragraphs. Present arguments and ideas in a logical order, ensuring each paragraph supports the overarching argument of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. You need to not only discuss why we need music but also argue whether traditional music of a country or international music is more important.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive main ideas for each paragraph. Make sure the main idea is directly related to the task prompt and is expanded upon with explanation and detail.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments and provide concrete evidence. If possible, include both personal anecdotes and generalized evidence for a more compelling argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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