IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think eveyone should be vegetarian, because we do not need to eat meat to have a heath diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are too many individuals who believe that humans should feed themselves from vegetarian resources and cut down on animal food for health purposes. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, but
also
Linking Words
 red food should be considered as a second factor for a healthy diet. Research has found that nations who used to eat a significant serving of chicken have more risk for heart diseases and body skin issues. The fundamental reason for
this
Linking Words
 is cow contains an enormous amount of amino acids, which increases blood pressure so dramatically.
Moreover
Linking Words
, meat has the highest calories compared with vegetables which leads to overweight and mental health problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, In Japan, sumo fighters consume one kilo of cow every single day in order to gain more weight, but ultimately, they feel disappointed and die so fast.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who tend to be vegetarian might have some issues with their bodies, and they will start to feel weak and lazy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the amount of protein in vegetarian resources is lower than in chicken and losing muscles will be noticed significantly.
For example
Linking Words
, bodybuilders need more protein to improve their own performance in the gym which is not found in vegetables.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may have some meals with a good amount of animal resources. In conclusion, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph above, I believe that vegetarianism has more benefits than red food, but people could eat meat gently if they need to grow muscles and be in good shape.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint. It's crucial to directly address the question prompt and declare to what extent you agree or disagree.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from stronger topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall cohesion.
Task Achievement
Clarify and support your arguments with more precise examples. Examples must be directly relevant and contribute to illustrating your point.
Task Achievement
Be careful with off-topic information or conclusions that don't fully align with the rest of your argument. Ensure every part of the essay directly contributes to supporting your stance on the prompt.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: