It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been a lively debate about whether the

history

curriculum should place emphasis on local

history

rather than international

history

. From my perspective, I disagree with

this

view. On the one hand, it is undeniable that fostering national pride and identity in young children is of utmost significance.

Therefore

, the role of national

history

lessons should not be ignored as

such

lessons can cultivate a profound sense of patriotism and national pride in young

students

For example

, if Vietnamese children are given lessons about how valiantly their ancestors fought for the freedom of their motherland, they are likely to become more patriotic and be willing to devote themselves to the country’s development when they grow up.

Nevertheless

, I believe it would be unwise to focus solely on domestic

history

First,

a comprehensive study of world

history

can enable young learners to gain a deeper and more nuanced understanding of their country's

history

, rather than developing a superficial and myopic perspective.

For instance

, if Vietnamese

students

are taught about the geopolitical and international factors that have influenced Vietnam's

history

, they will acquire a more balanced and nuanced interpretation of their country's past.

Furthermore

, having a good grasp of other nations' histories can

also

help children learn to be more tolerant and embrace differences in cultures, religions, and political systems between countries.

This

not only benefits

students

' career prospects when working in multinational environments but

also

contributes to the

overall

harmony of the world. In conclusion, it is paramount that educators integrate both local and global

history

to help

students

develop a rich and multifaceted understanding of their country

as well as

the world.

Submitted by weezel on Mon Jun 10 2024

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task achievement

While the essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that all points are elaborately explained will enrich the discussion further. Consider adding more specific examples or case studies to illustrate points better.

coherence cohesion

Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Pay attention to creating seamless connections between paragraphs to make the essay more coherent.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, offering a clear view of the writer's stance and summing up the discussion effectively.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task effectively, covering the importance of both local and global history, thus providing a complete response.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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