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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss cause and solution.

A number of professionals state that if older people spend their time interacting with others and exercise regularly, they will have a better quality of life.
However
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, many elderly are lack of
fitness
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because they do not eat enough healthy
food
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 and do not quite move their body.
Therefore
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, they should maintain their diet and set a regular
fitness
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 programmes. Not eating enough healthy
food
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 and not exercising daily are the main causes why old people suffer from lack of
fitness
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. Evidently, many elderly eat too much fast
food
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 since they are younger and give up on it only because they see signs of illness, which can be more preventive.
Furthermore
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, not having enough body movement in their daily can make their bodies unfit.
For example
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, many elderly in the US nowadays mostly spend their time sitting on a chair in front of their house.
This
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 is
also
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 deteriorated by the fact that they are mostly the ones suffering from obesity
due to
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 eating unhealthy
food
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. The solutions for
this
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 problem are to maintain their diet and consider having a
fitness
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 routine.
Food
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 containing healthy minerals like salad and milk can replace instant
food
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. They can
also
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 start lowering the use of sugar in their drink. Other than that, simple
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
such
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 as jogging can be done in their leisure time, rather than just sitting on the bench talking to others.
Moreover
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, exercising is not always related to sports but can
also
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 be in the form of daily activities
such
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 as washing a car and doing chores.
To sum up
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, people claim that the elderly doing social interaction and having a
fitness
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 programme can give them better lives.
However
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, the old are often troubled with their health
due to
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 a lack of healthy
food
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 consumption and little physical activity. To combat
this
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 issue, they should be concerned about the
food
Use synonyms
 they consume and exercise more.

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, work on providing more detailed and diversified examples that specifically support your points. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or more personal anecdotes which relate directly to the elderly's fitness and social life.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve Coherence and Cohesion. Use a wider range of cohesive devices beyond just 'Furthermore' and 'Other than that'. Try incorporating synonyms, pronoun references, and transitional phrases to make the progression of ideas more natural.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from deeper analysis and a more thorough exploration of each idea. While you've addressed the topic, going beyond surface-level arguments to offer more nuanced viewpoints or counterarguments could enrich your response and improve Task Achievement.
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