IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently noticed a local restaurant that was offering a part time job. Write a letter to the restaurant's manager. In your letter, Explain that you would like to apply for the job Give some details of any relevant experience that you have Specify the date and times that would suit you.

#restaurant #part #time #job #manager #date #times
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Dear Sir/Madam I am writing
this
 letter to you in relation to the
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 job
vaccancy
Correct your spelling
vacancy
 at your restaurant Burger King. I want to apply for
this
 position at your store as the counter staff. Currently, I work at Tim Hortons in North York but I am moving to Collingwood
due to
 my
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 job. I saw
this
vaccancy
Correct your spelling
vacancy
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
indeed and I have attached my resume to
this
 letter for
further
 details. I had worked as
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 cashier at Church's Chicken in North York
along with
this
. I worked at Tim Hortons as
shift
Add an article
a shift
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 supervisor.
Hence
, I have excellent communication skills to deal with the customers. I am relentlessly
coperative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
 with good leadership skills to work with a team. I am looking for a job urgently. I am available on weekends at any time and during the
week days
Correct your spelling
weekdays
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, I am available after 2 P.M. You can contact me
on
Change preposition
apply
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my
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 email at [email protected] or you can give
a
Correct pronoun usage
me a
show examples
call at 123-456-7890. I will be waiting for
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 reply. Yours sincerely ABCD
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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coherence cohesion
You've structured your letter well with clear paragraphs for each point. For improvement, try adding transitional phrases between paragraphs for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriately formal, fitting the context well. Try using 'Dear [Manager's Name]' if you know their name, for a more personalized touch.
task achievement
The letter successfully addresses all three bullet points from the task. However, expanding on how your experiences specifically prepare you for the challenges of this new role could make your argument stronger.
task achievement
The overall tone is suitable for a job application; it's formal yet not overly stiff. Incorporating a bit more enthusiasm about the role could make your interest seem more genuine.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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