IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers; Some others believe that less control will help children deal with their adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many individuals insist that
children
Use synonyms
 should follow their
parents
Use synonyms
' and teachers's rules,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the rest of the people believe that giving a safe free space to
children
Use synonyms
 to grow will be beneficial to their growth. In my opinion, I am more inclined to believe that
children
Use synonyms
 a vulnerable human beings who are still in need of assistance and support from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers.
Body paragraph 1
Despite giving extensive opportunities to grow, less controlled parenting apparently leads to harmful consequences for
children
Use synonyms
. Not only they will lost in thought in some moments, but having no rules will
also
Linking Words
 cause them confusion and a lack of understanding of right and wrong.
Moreover
Linking Words
, throughout their adulting process, they will certainly become a part of the society where rules and regulations are implemented. If they never encounter a situation that requires them to listen and obey policies, surviving in a diverse environment is a complex challenge for them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, growing up in rules-free surroundings will shape a fragile personality foundation for
children
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Research indicates that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a substantial role in teaching
children
Use synonyms
 who are in their development phase. As it is essential to learn from a very young age, comprehending what older people said
also
Linking Words
 part of the learning process.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as a junior generation, educating oneself by listening to the older generation means we can get a fundamental base from those with experience.
This
Linking Words
 practice
also
Linking Words
 potentially results a well-behaved individuals. Shortly, it is crucial for
children
Use synonyms
 to listen to adults.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a debate about whether should
children
Use synonyms
 obey what older people say or let them free to explore the world, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 are in the age phase where they need guidance and encouragement from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a wider range of cohesive devices and linking words to enhance flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Language
Check for minor grammatical errors and ensure your sentences are structurally sound to improve clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discipline
  • Autonomy
  • Independency
  • Creativity
  • Conformity
  • Rebelliousness
  • Maturation
  • Guidance
  • Cognitive development
  • Protector
  • Evaluator
  • Boundaries
  • Negotiation
  • Empowerment
  • Self-discipline
  • Regulatory guidelines
  • Flexibility
  • Adaptation
  • Socio-emotional skills
  • Decision-making process
  • Moral compass
  • Real-world challenges
  • Controlled environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: