Number of people who are at high risk due to overweight.what is the reason?
Nowadays, a myriad of people are gaining too much weight, putting them on the verge of a medical crisis. The deterioration of a healthy lifestyle might be the underlying cause, primarily related to a bad diet and lack of exercise .
This
essay will explain it based on personal and global perspectives.
The existence of fast food has alleviated humans' survival instinct. In the past, our ancestors had to forage in the wild,
and processed the resources for a long time. Remove the comma
apply
However
, it all changed ever since ready-made meals such
as burgers, fried chicken, or hotdogs were dispersed around the neighbourhood. A worker who is busy enough is likely to opt for these delicacies because of how instant they are served. Unfortunately, they are not aware of how hazardous takeaway foods if
they are prolonged to be consumed. Add a missing verb
are if
For example
, a single burger can contain up to 500 calories, not to mention
the sides and soft drinks that are taken simultaneously. The level of cholesterol and glucose that can encroach from these meals can lead to obesity. In consequence, overweight people are in imminent danger of severe clinical ailments like heart failure, stroke, or cancer.
On the other hand
, the advancement of transportation also
has shifted how humans commute. Personal vehicles like cars or motorcycles tend to manipulate youngsters. First,
it can be seen as a form of success. Owning those rides can represent how much money we can procure and exert. Second,
teenagers will eventually fall into a state of laziness. To illustrate, developing countries usually are undergoing this
kind of situation. Fuel-powered scooters are used only to travel to a store that is
a couple of miles away from home. In the long term, it can transform their habit unconsciously. The number of steps or walks will be reduced drastically. Therefore
, the body will not store the piled-up calories as a source of energy, but as a waste. Needless to say, exacerbated by fast food consumption as I mentioned in the previous paragraph. This
ironic lifestyle will likely end with weight and other acute health problems.
To summarize, the reasons for overweight and dangerous illnesses can be tracked as far as poor life habits from fast-food diets and modern-day vehicles. It can be predicted that this
complex issue are hard to encounter if people are resistant to change themselves in the near future. Personally, I would suggest they start with a few daily changes. Hence
, the challenge to be healthy will not be felt as a burden.Submitted by aryasblearning on
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task achievement
Ensure a more specific introduction that directly addresses the task's question regarding the reasons behind the high risk of overweight people. Although your essay does cover relevant points, a clearer, more direct thesis statement in the introduction could better guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents ideas in a logical order, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and cohesion, making your essay more polished and easier to follow.
task achievement
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. You’ve made good efforts, yet striving for even greater linguistic diversity can increase the sophistication of your writing, positively influencing your score.
task achievement
To further solidify your arguments, including more diversified and specific examples or statistical data can enhance the credibility and impact of your points.
Your opinion
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