In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult

In some cities in the United States, adolescents cannot go out of their homes after

certain

Correct article usage

a certain

show examples

[hour] at

night

if they are not

together with

an adult. I totally disagree with the statement because imposing curfews does not prevent criminality and containing teens at home during the

night

is an attack against their human rights. The main reason why I do not support forcing teenagers to stay at home during the

night

is because it does not keep them safe from criminal acts.

This

is because recent studies have shown that [] areas where [] curfew is imposed, young people tend to escape from their

parents

' houses more often without them noticing.

As a result

parents

do not know their kids are in the streets, and if something bad happens, it might be too late to react.

On the other hand

, if

parents

know where and with whom the teens go out, they would respond to emergencies more quickly and efficiently.

Furthermore

, imposing curfews [

Change preposition

show examples

] teens is not humanly just. The reason for

this

is [because] everyone should have [their] free will to come and go whenever they want to leave their homes.

For instance

, when I was a teenager, I [would often] go to my grandmother's home at

night

, to check if she was all right. In the same vein, if adolescents have their human rights restricted, it can lead to bad behaviour and

therefore

, [family's] conflicts and unnecessary fights. In conclusion, the reasons why I totally disagree with imposing [] curfew [to] adolescents is because it is not safer for them, as many would keep on escaping from their houses after their

parents

go to bed, and

also

, it is not humanly right, as it restricts their free-will.

Therefore

, politicians should use other strategies to reduce criminality,

such

as improving their educational system and [

let

Wrong verb form

letting

show examples

] teenagers have their freedom.

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Tue Mar 26 2024

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Task Achievement

It's important to further develop the ideas and provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure grammatical and typographical errors are minimized. Phrases like "in some cities in the United States, adolescents cannot go out of their homes after certain [hour] at night" should be corrected for clarity (e.g., "after a certain hour"). This will improve the overall clarity and coherence of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Integrate transitions more effectively to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases that link ideas, such as "furthermore," can be used more strategically to guide the reader through your arguments.

Task Achievement

Consider offering a balanced view by acknowledging potential counterarguments or reasons why curfews might be beneficial, even if your ultimate stance disagrees. This can enrich your essay by showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enforce
juvenile
repercussions
autonomy
adolescence
paternalistic
delinquency
municipality
ordinance
authoritarian
peer pressure
social dynamics
civil liberties
community policing
preventative measures

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In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?