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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for many reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and conclude.

#people #schools #option #children #debate
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Various circumstances exist that would compel parents to send their children to boarding school. Be that as it may, parents, psychologists, and policymakers often debate whether the nature of boarding
schools
 presents positive or negative outcomes.
This
 essay will explore arguments for both sides and provide detailed analysis to aid readers in arriving at their own
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
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. A few observations offer support to consider boarding
schools
 as a beneficial option. One supportive argument states that these educational facilities allow the learning of another
language
. To
further
 explain, boarding
schools
 often reside in countries where the spoken
language
 differs from the home environment, so students will likely pick up a new
language
. Not only the
language
 benefits but
also
 contemplate how boarding
schools
 prepare one to do well in university or work.
This
 is because the university and work environments often revolve around a capacity for self-direction, and boarding
schools
 operate in a similar fashion. Despite the above arguments, some could oppose boarding
schools
 based on
the
Change the word
their
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 drawbacks. Examining first how these
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 of learning produce children who lack the ability for emotional expression, one can empathize with a negative attitude towards these
schools
.
For example
, a famously smart child from a local neighborhood attended a boarding school in China, and upon return, contained as much emotion as a robot.
In addition
 to
this
 point, children live under constant observation which leads to certain psychological damage and paranoia. Undoubtedly, optimism and pessimism around factors involving boarding
schools
 will continue into the very near future.
However
, the best recommendation for those caught in
this
 debate
,
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apply
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 would include consideration of the above options.
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Task Response
To improve your task response, ensure your essay addresses the essay prompt thoroughly by providing a clear opinion or conclusion based on the arguments presented. The provided essay offered analysis of both sides but lacked a clear, definitive conclusion drawn from the analysis, which is crucial for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, make sure that your paragraphs are well-organized and each idea flows logically into the next. While your essay generally follows a logical structure, using more transitional phrases and clear topic sentences can enhance the flow and clarity of your argument.
Task Response
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples to substantiate your points. While the essay mentions a case involving a 'famously smart child,' providing more concrete details and additional examples will make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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