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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Travelling
Correct article usage
The travelling
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 industry and relationships between
countries
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 have developed and tightened,
due to
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 high technology.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
countries
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 are becoming more similar, and individuals are able to buy the same
products
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 everywhere in the world. In
this
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 essay, I will consider both cons and pros. On the one hand, every
product
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 is widespread around the world and these
goods
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 tend to be similar. The reason is that demand for
goods
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 in small
countries
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 is at its peak and developed
countries
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 provide
with
Change preposition
apply
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the
product
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.
Furthermore
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, these
nations
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 have a massive impact on every industry,
also
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, there are not many
countries
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 to affect world economies.
For example
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, in China and America, most per cent of the total
products
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 belong to these
countries
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, as we know, America is known for its
goods
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 quality and China copies the models and produces tons of
products
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. With the support of developing
countries
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, the small continues to provide for its citizens.
On the other hand
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, by the impact of big
nations
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, small
countries
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’ cultures and traditions may gradually become non-existent. Imitating and getting provided by foreign
nations
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 makes citizens
to
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apply
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forget
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 traditions. Nowadays, people like to follow the trends and get influenced by others resulting
to buy
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in buying
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 the
goods
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 they like and do not need.
However
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, it is not their fault as I said before big
nations
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 affect and provide other
countries
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 with every type of
product
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.
For instance
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, in Mongolia, most of the
products
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 we use come from China resulting in urban civilians forgetting their traditions.
Also
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, we cannot forget that there are so many
countries
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 related to Mongolia. In conclusion, being similar
with
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to
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 other
nations
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 is good but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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culture and tradition are important for a country's existence and independence. By mere
product
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, the country may lose its unique difference from other
nations
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.

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Sentence Variety
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Vocabulary Expansion
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to precisely express your ideas. While the vocabulary you've used is appropriate, more varied language could help to demonstrate a broader linguistic range.
Proofreading
Proofread your essay for minor typing or grammatical errors. While these are few and have little impact on the overall clarity, maintaining accuracy contributes to a polished presentation.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective introduction and conclusion that skillfully outline your essay's argument and succinctly summarize your main points.
Supporting Evidence
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Analytical Approach
Your essay demonstrates a thoughtful analysis of the topic, considering both the advantages and disadvantages before reaching a balanced conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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