Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is agreed that the current trend of
junk
Use synonyms
food
overconsumption is detrimental to Use synonyms
people
’s health. Some Use synonyms
people
feel that Use synonyms
this
issue can be tackled by raising awareness about the dangers of eating too much fast Linking Words
food
, Use synonyms
while
others believe Linking Words
this
approach will not yield any results. Personally, I agree with the latter point of view.
One might argue that educating Linking Words
people
about the harms of Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
can help to improve their eating habits. Use synonyms
This
is because a lot of Linking Words
people
are indeed unaware of the harmful effects of foods like burgers and Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
hot dogs
hot-dogs
, which are usually high in calories and contain very little nutritional value. Correct your spelling
hot dogs
This
is especially true for many developing nations where the science of healthy eating is almost foreign, but fast-Linking Words
food
chains Use synonyms
such
as KFC are springing up at every corner, making unhealthy meals ever accessible. If Linking Words
people
living in those areas were better educated in Use synonyms
this
regard, maybe they would think twice before choosing to eat Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
food
, Use synonyms
hence
the view that education is the key Linking Words
in
bettering the diet of Change preposition
to
people
.
Use synonyms
However
, I would argue that merely educating Linking Words
people
is a rather futile move. Most consumers of Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
actually know it’s harmful, yet Use synonyms
this
knowledge doesn’t seem to affect their diet in any meaningful way. Take popular fizzy drinks – Cola and Pepsi – as an example. Linking Words
Although
nearly everyone knows these drinks have a high sugar content, which can lead to numerous Linking Words
heath-related
problems Correct your spelling
health-related
such
as excess weight and diabetes, they continue to be consumed by several billion Linking Words
people
on a daily basis. The same is true for many other harmful substances, including cigarettes and alcohol – by far the most consumed products in the world whose harmful content Use synonyms
are
widely known. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Therefore
, education by itself would not curb the consumption of fast Linking Words
food
.
In conclusion, even though educational campaigns against Use synonyms
junk
Use synonyms
food
may create a limited impact, Use synonyms
but
it would not completely solve the problem. The vast majority of Correct word choice
apply
people
with unhealthy diets are perfectly aware of the damaging Use synonyms
effect
which Fix the agreement mistake
effects
junk
Use synonyms
food
has, showing how ineffective education can be.Use synonyms
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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay successfully introduces and concludes with a clear stance on the issue, effectively meeting task requirements. However, for a higher score, consider incorporating a broader range of complex sentences and vocabulary to demonstrate greater linguistic flexibility.
Logical Structure
You've developed a logical structure that smoothly guides the reader through your argument. To further enhance your essay, make sure every paragraph clearly supports your main point and consider adding more transitional phrases for seamless flow between ideas.
Specific Examples
While you've used examples effectively, expanding on them with more detail and incorporating a wider variety of evidence could strengthen your argument and provide a deeper insight into the issue.
Coherence
To enhance coherence, try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported by specific examples or reasons. This will make your essay more convincing and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You've done an excellent job of covering both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion, which is a key requirement for achieving a high score in task achievement.
Use of Examples
Your use of relevant examples, like KFC in developing countries, fizzy drinks, and the comparison to cigarettes and alcohol, highlights your ability to provide specific information supporting your argument.
Essay Structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, demonstrating strong coherence and cohesion.