IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals is increasing the gap between the rich people and the poor people. Others think this has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Several
individuals
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 think that many
technology
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 available to
individuals
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 is increasing the
gap
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 between the rich and the poor
while
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 others think the opposite. I shall discuss both views in more detail before giving my opinion. On the one hand, the range of
technology
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 available to
individuals
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 is said to be increasing the
gap
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 between the rich and the poor because it represents the limit of worthy earthly. To illustrate, in the past, when
technology
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 was not developed like now, the
gap
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 between the rich
individuals
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 and the poor
individuals
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 was a big house, a bicycle, a good dress, and so on.
By contrast
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, nowadays, the
gap
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 between them has been bigger because of a list of luxury and modern
technology
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 products
such
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 as computers, laptops, smartphones, luxury
cars
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, helicopters, and much more.
On the other hand
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, some think that the range of
technology
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 available to
individuals
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 is decreasing the
gap
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 between rich
people
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 and poor
people
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 resulting from
technology
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 creating many types of qualities which suit all classes in society.
For example
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, Today,
technology
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 has been yielding many categories of
cars
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 with different levels of price.
Therefore
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, both the rich and the poor can possess
cars
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. The
gap
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 here is brands.
However
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, In the past, the rich drove
cars
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 but the poor drove houses. The
gap
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 here is a civilized process. In conclusion, Some
people
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 believe that the range of
technology
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 available to
individuals
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 is increasing the
gap
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 between rich
people
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 and poor
people
Use synonyms
 because it represents the limit of worthy earthly
whereas
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 others think
this
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 has the opposite effect because
technology
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 is creating many kinds of qualities which suit which all class in societies. Personally, I agree with the latter statement.

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Task response
Make sure to clearly define key terms and concepts used in your essay, such as 'technology' and 'the gap between rich and poor.' This will enhance the reader's understanding.
Task response
Ensure that your main points are evenly supported with examples and explanations. At times, your examples could be more developed to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences smoothly. This will help the essay to flow better.
Coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well by indicating that you will discuss both views before providing your own opinion.
Task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach and contributes to a complete response.
Coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion.
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