IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The
relation
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relationship
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 between
advertisement
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 and sale
products
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 has received a great amount of attention throughout the
last
Linking Words
 20 years. There is an argument around the purpose of
advertisement
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 and some individuals think that
advertisement
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 is a means to sell good to those who don’t need it. In some way, I can subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 notion and
this
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand, there are some positive aspects of
Use synonyms
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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 in the modern era. With the development of technology, a variety of choices have been created for
people
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 to select the best
products
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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, if society wants to buy a cosmetic good they encounter a lot of brands and it comes to
advertisements
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 to help them to purchase the best one.
in addition
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 from the perspective of sellers, their
products
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 need to be seen among society and they should advertise their brands to sell better in the competitive markets. To take an
example
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, if you recently set up your own business you must advertise your business to improve your sales.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all the
advertisements
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 do not convey the correct information about the
products
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 that they advertise.
For
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example
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, the aim of some companies is to sell their
products
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 and it does not matter in what way they do that. So
people
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 should not rely just on
advertisements
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 as there is no evidence whether the company share correct information or not.
For
Linking Words
example
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, the VOA website survey shows that the vast majority of
people
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do
Verb problem
are
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 not
resilience
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resilient
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 to all
advertisements
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
.
Also
Linking Words
, many
advertisements
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 help
people
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 to choose the perfect
products
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, and many of them share incorrect information to sell their
products
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 to
people
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 who do not need those
products
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.

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coherence
To enhance the clarity of your argument, focus on linking your ideas more explicitly. Phrases that show cause and effect, contrast, or compounding ideas can help bridge your sentences together more seamlessly.
language
Integrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to improve the complexity and accuracy of your essay.
task response
Your essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, which is excellent for a comprehensive discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, making your essay's structure easy to follow.
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