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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages

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In recent years, the impact of video
games
Use synonyms
 on the youth has become a subject of intense debate, with opinions divided on whether they yield more harm than benefit.
While
Linking Words
 concerns regarding their negative repercussions are valid, I contend that interactive digital entertainment offers substantial cognitive and social advantages that ultimately outweigh its drawbacks, provided that parental supervision regulates screen time. On the one hand, excessive engagement with video
games
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 undeniably poses risks to a child’s development. The most immediate threat associated with a sedentary lifestyle is physical deterioration; prolonged periods spent
before
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in front of
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 a monitor frequently culminate in ophthalmic strain and postural complications.
Furthermore
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, an overindulgence in gaming can encroach upon academic responsibilities and stifle the growth of interpersonal skills.
For instance
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, a comprehensive study examining the habits of Australian high school students revealed a direct correlation between excessive screen time and a pronounced decline in both physical well-being and academic performance, underscoring the hazards of unregulated play.
On the other hand
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, when balanced correctly, gaming serves as a potent tool for personal growth. Primarily, strategy-based
games
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 compel players to navigate complex scenarios, thereby sharpening their critical thinking and problem-solving faculties.
Moreover
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, contemporary multiplayer platforms demand real-time cooperation and strategic communication, which inherently fosters teamwork and collaborative proficiency.
For example
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, public feedback on popular tactical
games
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 often highlights observations from parents who note a marked elevation in their children’s cognitive agility and social adaptability after engaging in structured team gameplay. In conclusion,
while
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 virtual entertainment presents legitimate challenges concerning physical health and social development, these risks are entirely manageable through disciplined
utilization
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utilisation
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. Because the dividends of gaming—namely the cultivation of analytical reasoning and collaborative skills—are profoundly valuable in the modern world, the merits of
this
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 pastime convincingly eclipse its demerits when moderated effectively.

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task response
For task response, make your answer even more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they sound a bit general. Add one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but some sentences are very long. Use a few shorter sentences to make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, linking is good, but you can use simpler link words sometimes. This will make the flow more natural.
task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question and keep your opinion clear from start to end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea and the ideas move in a clear order.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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