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Band 7.5

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

#part #world #women #vote
While
 most countries permit
women
 to cast a vote, few countries deny the right to female citizens. I completely disagree with
this
 approach as it violates the basic rights of a citizen
as well as
 disturbs the equality of a nation. Each citizen of a nation whether male or female has the right to be part of the election process. The denial of a specific category implies the denial of the civic rights of an individual.
For instance
, in Arab countries,
women
 are not allowed to carry out any civilian duties which is unacceptable as a social being.
Therefore
, it is evident that young girls must be given proper education regarding their rights as citizens. To add
further
, if
women
 are not allowed to vote, it clearly showcases the gender inequality in the country. They could analyze,
thinkabout
Correct your spelling
think about
, and decide which electoral candidate they would like to see in a responsible governance role.
For example
, the President of the largest democratic country, India is a woman. The country of Finland had a female Prime Minister until a year ago. There are many more examples where
women
 were successful in the field of politics. Considering all these aspects, the practice of not allowing
women
 to put their vote can only be categorized as gender indifference and it cannot be encouraged. What makes
women
 or men different from each other? The answer is nothing. In my opinion, imposing restrictions on a person’s civic right is unacceptable and it develops inequalities among people. All nations must take steps to make
women
 partakers of the election process.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

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Introduction
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument.
Body Paragraphs
Expand on examples with more details for a stronger argument and to connect more deeply with the topic.
Paragraph Structure
Consider dividing long paragraphs to enhance readability and structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review and utilize a range of cohesive devices to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Your essay directly addresses the question, presenting a clear position throughout.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, effectively framing your argument.
Supporting Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, although further details could strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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