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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some argue that governments should prioritize lowering environmental pollution and housing issues in order to prevent illness and disease. do you agree or disagree?

#argue #governments #prioritize #pollution #illness #disease
In contemporary society, illness and disease have always been controversial topics across the globe. It is imperative that authorities prioritize lowering environmental pollution and housing issues in order to prevent illness and disease. From my perspective, concentrating on both aspects will create a sustainable community. In the following essay, I will examine
this
 issue and offer my own view.
To begin
 with, environmental infection and accommodation conditions might lead to a range of health problems.
Initially
, the natural environment in general or the air
in particular
 has direct influences on mental and physical well-being. It is evident that in big cities, the quality of the air is not guaranteed to pose respiratory problems. One more reason is that poor housing conditions contribute to reducing fitness quality.
For example
, exposure to lead in an old house can lead to brain damage and developmental concerns in children. By tackling these matters, governments can improve the well-being of their citizens and reduce the burden on their healthcare systems.
In addition
 to the direct strength impacts, tackling environmental pollution and housing issues can have far-reaching economic benefits. Investing in green technologies and renewable energy can create jobs and boost economic growth.
Similarly
, improving housing conditions can increase the value of the housing stock and support the construction industry. By prioritizing these issues, governments can improve the well-being of their society and support the economy at the same time. In conclusion, politicians must take bold actions to limit environmental deterioration and housing affairs. Failure to do so would mean neglecting their responsibility to provide their citizens with safe and healthy living environments. By doing so, they can improve the fitness and well-being of their citizens, support economic growth, and create a better future for all.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Example Detail
Try to elaborate more on the specific examples provided to strengthen your argument. Including more detailed evidence or real-world scenarios can help make your points more convincing and grounded.
Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly across the essay. While you have a good structure, varying your connecting words and phrases can enhance readability and flow.
Introduction
You've provided a clear thesis statement and effectively outlined the structure of your essay in the introduction, which is excellent for guiding the reader.
Content Depth
You adeptly balanced discussing both the health and economic implications of environmental pollution and housing issues, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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