IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease,governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
It is said that the government should concentrate on diminishing housing problems and atmospheric pollution in order to deal with malady and affliction. The writer of
this
 essay agrees with
this
 point of view and will give some information to support its decision. There can be no doubt that illnesses and diseases are affecting society tremendously over time. For that reason, the authorities should focus more on the solution to
this
 problem. One of the ideas for
this
 issue is that they can construct more and more houses or apartments that are environmentally friendly, and the main source of power is renewable energy.
This
 idea is based on the fact that many residents nowadays do not have clean energy to use, so they will use fossil fuels and unrenewable energy on a regular basis, and
this
 will pollute the environment badly. If landlords or landladies follow the instructions to reduce pollution, they will not only make the surroundings cleaner but
also
 attract more people to rent their houses. Another point worth mentioning is that we can prevent harmful bacteria and plague by cleaning the streets and purifying the source of water. By doing
this
, we can eliminate most of the dangerous diseases in the water and even the smell from the road, making the atmosphere cleaner.
Furthermore
, they can compost the wasted food so that the soil will be enriched and reduce the risk of harmful bacteria underneath the soil. In conclusion, the problem of illnesses and diseases can be dealt with if the government takes environmental pollution and housing problems into consideration.
Thus
, the essay has given
further
 information to explain why we should do
this
.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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General
Your essay clearly presents your viewpoint and supports it with relevant examples. To achieve an even higher score, consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary in your argumentation.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows a good structure with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. To enhance it, try to use more cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly and clearly.
Task Achievement
You've done well in addressing the essay topic comprehensively. For further improvement, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that examples are elaborated enough to fully demonstrate your points.
Task Achievement
Includes a clear statement of your position on the issue, providing a strong basis for your argument.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Logical structuring of paragraphs contributes to an overall cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
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