Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#children #books #time #technology #people #trend

During

this

era, there is a phenomenon of

children

that are no longer interested in reading books and prefer spending their time using modern

technology

This

phenomenon opened a discussion between

people

and

this

essay will try to explain the positive and negative. Modern

technology

has brought so many advantages in various aspects of life. Back in life before the year 2000, maybe

people

back

Rephrase

apply

show examples

then

could not imagine how they could communicate with another person on a different continent just by typing in their gadget.

Gadgets

are

such

a big innovation in modern

technology

as they can help

people

to do their work easily, without exception

also

for

children

's entertainment. During

parents

' busy time,

gadgets

will help them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

entertain their kids by just watching YouTube videos or playing mobile games. By watching YouTube videos, it is not often that their son or daughter can learn faster and have more universal knowledge. From the prior paragraph,

gadgets

seem to be a good thing for kids.

That is

not a wrong way of thinking, but

parents

should

also

know what is the drawback of it. If they lean so much into

gadgets

due to

their busy work, their

children

will get addicted slowly to

gadgets

. The worst case is when

people

take away the gadget from their hand, they will get angry or cry

due to

their addiction.

Besides

that, if

parents

are not aware of what their

children

watch on their

gadgets

, there is a possibility of watching content

that is

not supposed to be watched at their age.

This

also

will be a problem for them. Based on the above paragraphs, of course, modern

technology

will have positive and negative impacts on

children

Parents

also

cannot deny the helpfulness of

gadgets

for their kids, so they need to act wisely by creating rules so the drawback possibility can be reduced.

Submitted by rifqiesap on Sun Apr 28 2024

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task achievement

Try to explicitly state your own opinion on the issue. While you discuss both views, adding a personal stance would strengthen the essay's argumentative component.

coherence cohesion

Work on your introduction and conclusion. Make sure to briefly present the topic and your opinion in the introduction and summarise the main points with your stance in the conclusion for a stronger impact.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This could enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to link ideas more smoothly. This will improve the readability and sophistication of your writing.

task achievement

You have nicely outlined the advantages and disadvantages of modern technology for children, which shows a balanced discussion.

coherence cohesion

The overall structure of your essay is logical, allowing for easier understanding of your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interactivity
multimedia resources
educational apps
global connectivity
imagination
critical thinking
attention span
concentration
vocabulary depth
literary knowledge
cultural awareness
digital literacy
conventional reading

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Many children no longer read books and instead spend their time using modern technology. While some people think this is a positive trend, others think it is a problem. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that young people electronic and computer games is helpful while the others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The charts below how global water resources are distributed

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others beleive they should be free to work in another country if they wish. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relation is better. What do you think?