In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

The ongoing debate about whether it is better for
university
students
to
study
abroad or remain in their hometown is complex.
While
there are clear advantages to studying close to
home
, I am convinced that the benefits of living away from
home
during
university
outweigh those of staying local. First and foremost, studying in a different city or country can greatly expand a student’s horizons. Many people rarely have the opportunity to immerse themselves in new environments. Attending a
university
in another city not only allows
students
to broaden their networks but
also
opens up a myriad of career opportunities.
For example
, a friend of mine, who is now a business consultant, chose to
study
abroad in New York City after growing up in Tokyo, Japan. His interactions with people from diverse backgrounds helped him develop a deeper sense of empathy and the ability to view issues from multiple perspectives.
Therefore
, studying away from
home
promotes personal growth by providing numerous opportunities to engage with different people.
Conversely
, attending
university
in one's hometown can offer financial benefits. Many
students
struggle with financial constraints, and staying local eliminates the need for costly new living arrangements.
According to
a
study
by McKinsey & Company,
students
who attend universities near their homes tend to save more money than those who
study
away from
home
.
While
these savings are significant, the opportunity to expand one’s worldview and personal development should take precedence in today’s globalized world. In my opinion, the main priority for
students
should be to broaden their perspectives rather than simply focusing on financial savings. Enhancing one's understanding of the world can lead to not only a richer personal experience but
also
substantial personal and professional growth. In conclusion,
although
living at
home
during
university
can help reduce expenses, prioritizing the expansion of one’s perspectives is crucial. The advantages of learning and growing in a new environment are invaluable and should not be overlooked.
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General
Continue to focus on providing a balanced perspective in your arguments. This has been very effective in presenting a comprehensive view on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking devices and transition phrases to enhance the flow of your essay even further.
Task Response
Incorporate even more specific examples or case studies to support your points, especially when discussing the benefits of studying away from home.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively encapsulate your viewpoint and the essay content.
Structure
You have logically organized your essay, which aids in the overall coherence and cohesion.
Examples
Your use of specific examples, such as the personal story of your friend moving from Tokyo to New York City, effectively supports your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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