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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days, many people rely on traditional medicine. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicine #development
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Although
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 traditional
medicine
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 is thought by some to be a good alternative to modern one, other
people
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 visit doctors. In my opinion, I think that self-medication can bring about more problems compared to any advantages it might bring.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that scientists spend a lot of time investigating
people
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’s reactions to different medications which may be thought of as a reasonable benefit.
In other words
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, modern drugs are considered highly effective,
while
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 traditional
medicine
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 is based only on common
people
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's knowledge.
For example
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, there might be thousands of tests and investigations before any medication goes to pharmacies.
On the other hand
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, there were no documented effects of traditional
medicine
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 which may lead to unexpected consequences.
Secondly
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, nobody can deny that doctors spend several years learning and are able to diagnose a disease,
whereas
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 an average person may treat the common cold until it becomes a serious problem.
For instance
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, any mother can think that her child’s temperature is caused by an air conditioner, meanwhile, a virus can progress.
Finally
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,
people
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 do not have
a
Correct article usage
the
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 degree to do surgeries as doctors have.
That is
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 to say, some problems may be solved only by surgery and spending time on traditional
medicine
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 may be critical. To illustrate, appendicitis may be cured only if a doctor removes it from the body and wasting time may be fatal. In conclusion, traditional
medicine
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 may cause more disadvantages than advantages for
people
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 suffering from serious illnesses
as well as
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 for
people
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 who get cold and think they can treat it themselves.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question, stating whether you consider the reliance on traditional medicine a positive or negative development.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of traditional medicine examples and compare them with modern treatments to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the use of transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
While discussing the disadvantages of traditional medicine, offer a balanced view by mentioning any potential benefits, even if your stance is negative. This will add depth to your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively articulated your view, providing a well-reasoned argument against the reliance on traditional medicine.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay organization is commendable, with a clear introduction, development, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Use of relevant examples to support your points, such as the process of medication approval and the danger of mistreating illnesses, strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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