Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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day and age, we can witness an increasing trend in which teenagers are prone to have unhealthy lifestyles. In my opinion, I share the same view with most people that educational institutions and parents are responsible for

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issue, and they should find solutions to tackle it. First of all, busy moms and dads are the main culprits for

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problem. Rush life has made them pay less attention to taking care of their

children

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, leaving

kids

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alone with smartphones, and letting them eat so much junk food just to save

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Thus

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, bad habits are formed

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long-term exposure.

For example

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children

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may suffer from being indulged in fast food and soft drinks, namely MacDonald, KFC, Coca-Cola, etc., which

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leads to many health problems like tooth decay or obesity

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the carelessness of parents in controlling their

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' diet.

In addition

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, our youngsters

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seem to be less active and spend too much

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sitting at home than the previous generation. It is the fault of adults who are not encouraging their

children

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to go out and play.

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, schools that educate the young

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play a very crucial role in shaping students’ lifestyles. It is a matter of fact that educational institutions have physical education classes and break

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where

kids

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play outside, but

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not enough.

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schools do run physical education classes, they are limited in what they teach, how often they occur, and the limited space for

children

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to fully take advantage of the class.

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kids

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nowadays have to complete so much homework after classes

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inappropriate curricula. They have limited

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to delve into doing their

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things, which indirectly lessens their ability to create outdoor active styles. In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion that parents and schools should pay more attention to encouraging and educating youngsters to develop a healthy way of living, maintaining a good balance of indoor and outdoor activities.

Submitted by duongntt.tld on Mon May 06 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

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Task Achievement

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Introduction & Conclusion

Effective introduction and conclusion capturing the essence of the argument.

Supported Points

Well-supported main points with examples.

Logical Structure

Good logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unhealthy lifestyle
growing concern
crucial role
addressing this issue
promote healthy habits
educational programs
physical activities
establish healthy routines
nutritious meals
collaboration

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