IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the modern era, the debate over advertisement impact on buyers continues. Some believe that advertising leads to unnecessary purchases,
while
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 others believe advertisements are important sources of data about new products.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and provide a balanced opinion. First of all, commercials play a crucial role in educating consumers by introducing them to new goods and services that can improve their lives. There is not many people actually understand the best way to utilize these merchandise.
Furthermore
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, TV and media social are accessible to everyone. Because of that, providing the necessary knowledge will help the community make the right choice. Beyond that, customers can compare them-self to decide which should they make payment. Gaining understanding can enhance citizen's physical and mental well-being.
On the other hand
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, promotions often exploit consumers' emotions, pushing them to purchase inessential items. For most companies, revenue plays a vital role in their existence. Because of that, a huge number of items on the market are over-promoting, aiming to reach as many customers as they can without reliability. Consumers will inevitably be disappointed after bringing them home.
Besides
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, some companies rely on promoting to provide scamming, which is lying about the true function. Those buyers are influenced by famous figures nowadays.
This
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 untruthful advice will take a huge amount of money from the crowd.
To sum up
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, despite the believed value of advertising in terms of providing info for the general public, customers are often tricked into buying products which are of little use in their lives. From my perspective, the nation should ignore advertisements and buy only what they need.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the impact of advertising and consumer behavior. This will enhance the clarity and strength of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and transitions smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more precise language in places (e.g., 'merchandise' could be replaced with 'products' for clarity). Additionally, review sentence structures to enhance variety and correctness.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and offers a personal opinion, which is a strong aspect of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intention to discuss both perspectives, setting a solid foundation for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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