Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, it has been observed that well-known

sports

stars advertise

sports

products

. I believe the upsides clearly outweigh the downsides because

this

will create a sense of maintaining fitness in society. On the negative side, sometimes players could be greedy for money and encourage the product in the market that can be harmful for a

few

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

public in terms of their health. Companies may spend a good amount of money on advertising their product, and expect more profits in return.

For instance

, there is added sugar in some soft drinks, which can lead to adverse effects on a diabetic person.

However

, by implementing stringent regulations on product ingredients and ensuring clear warnings on packaging, companies can mitigate potential health risks associated with their

products

. In

this

way, things that will be available in the market contain ingredients that are approved by the government On the positive side, an advertisement through famous folks will increase the company's

overall

revenue. A few

crowd

Change to a plural noun

crowds

show examples

might consider a sportsperson as their role model.

As a result

, they will buy things under their influence.

For example

, the young generation watches NBA superstars and feels motivated to do what they do in their daily routines.

Moreover

sports

products

not only boost stamina and endurance but

also

contribute significantly to

overall

physical well-being. On top of that, more people will be involved in

sports

activities, and maintain their well-being. In conclusion, the positives clearly outweigh the negatives because advertisements of

sports

products

will encourage people to maintain good health by having those

products

in their routine.

Submitted by anmols23oct on Tue May 07 2024

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Task Achievement

Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance your essay by introducing transitional phrases and varied sentence structures to improve the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.

Task Achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear opinion on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.

Coherence and Cohesion

You managed to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, which made your arguments easy to follow.

Coherence and Cohesion

Good job on including a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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