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Band 7

Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#sports #players #products #trend
Nowadays, it has been observed that well-known
sports
 stars advertise
sports
products
. I believe the upsides clearly outweigh the downsides because
this
 will create a sense of maintaining fitness in society. On the negative side, sometimes players could be greedy for money and encourage the product in the market that can be harmful for a
few
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 public in terms of their health. Companies may spend a good amount of money on advertising their product, and expect more profits in return.
For instance
, there is added sugar in some soft drinks, which can lead to adverse effects on a diabetic person.
However
, by implementing stringent regulations on product ingredients and ensuring clear warnings on packaging, companies can mitigate potential health risks associated with their
products
. In
this
 way, things that will be available in the market contain ingredients that are approved by the government On the positive side, an advertisement through famous folks will increase the company's
overall
 revenue. A few
crowd
Change to a plural noun
crowds
show examples
 might consider a sportsperson as their role model.
As a result
, they will buy things under their influence.
For example
, the young generation watches NBA superstars and feels motivated to do what they do in their daily routines.
Moreover
,
sports
products
 not only boost stamina and endurance but
also
 contribute significantly to
overall
 physical well-being. On top of that, more people will be involved in
sports
 activities, and maintain their well-being. In conclusion, the positives clearly outweigh the negatives because advertisements of
sports
products
 will encourage people to maintain good health by having those
products
 in their routine.
Submitted by anmols23oct on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay by introducing transitional phrases and varied sentence structures to improve the flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear opinion on the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
You managed to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, which made your arguments easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good job on including a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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