all over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. this problem affects both children and adults. what are the reasons for this rise inn obesity? how could it be tackled?
In recent years, there has been a significant escalation in the issue of human obesity.
This
surge can primarily be attributed to the prevalence of unhealthy eating habits and a decline in opportunities for physical activity. This
essay will delve into these factors in greater detail and explore strategies to combat them.
Concerning unhealthy eating habits, the proliferation of the food
industry has made oily, processed foods readily accessible, eliminating the need for individuals
to prepare meals themselves. Moreover
, the affordability of fast food
has led to a decline in home cooking, with many opting for convenience over nutrition. However
, such
junk food
is laden with oils and synthetic additives that can have adverse effects on one's health
. It is imperative that people prioritize the consumption of nutritious foods such
as vegetables.
Additionally
, the diminishing opportunities for regular exercise have compounded the issue. Global economic pressures have driven individuals
to prioritize work over physical well-being, leaving little time for physical activity. This
sedentary lifestyle not only contributes to physical health
problems but also
takes a toll on mental well-being.
Addressing this
multifaceted issue necessitates a holistic approach. It is essential for individuals
to adopt balanced eating habits, ensuring three nutritious meals a day. Contrary to popular belief, eating is not solely responsible for weight gain; proper digestion and metabolic function are also
critical. Furthermore
, dedicating leisure time to exercise is vital for weight management. Incorporating activities like walking or running into daily routines can have a profound impact on overall
health
and weight loss.
In conclusion, the surge in obesity can be attributed to the consumption of unhealthy junk food
and a decline in physical activity. It is incumbent upon individuals
to prioritize their health
by making informed dietary choices and carving out time for exercise amidst busy schedules.Submitted by takeru1626 on
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Structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your arguments. This will help in structuring your essay more coherently.
Cohesion
Try incorporating a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow of your essay. While you've made good use of them, there's always room for variety to demonstrate your range.
Content
Including more specific examples and data could strengthen your arguments further. Real-life examples or studies can provide evidence for your claims and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both the reasons for the rise in obesity and potential solutions. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
Structure
You've structured your essay clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organizational structure makes your argument easy to follow.
Cohesion
Good use of transitional phrases helps in connecting ideas smoothly, contributing to the coherence of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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