all over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. this problem affects both children and adults. what are the reasons for this rise inn obesity? how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise #inn

In recent years, there has been a significant escalation in the issue of human obesity.

This

surge can primarily be attributed to the prevalence of unhealthy eating habits and a decline in opportunities for physical activity.

This

essay will delve into these factors in greater detail and explore strategies to combat them. Concerning unhealthy eating habits, the proliferation of the

food

industry has made oily, processed foods readily accessible, eliminating the need for

individuals

to prepare meals themselves.

Moreover

, the affordability of fast

food

has led to a decline in home cooking, with many opting for convenience over nutrition.

However

such

junk

food

is laden with oils and synthetic additives that can have adverse effects on one's

health

. It is imperative that people prioritize the consumption of nutritious foods

such

as vegetables.

Additionally

, the diminishing opportunities for regular exercise have compounded the issue. Global economic pressures have driven

individuals

to prioritize work over physical well-being, leaving little time for physical activity.

This

sedentary lifestyle not only contributes to physical

health

problems but

also

takes a toll on mental well-being. Addressing

this

multifaceted issue necessitates a holistic approach. It is essential for

individuals

to adopt balanced eating habits, ensuring three nutritious meals a day. Contrary to popular belief, eating is not solely responsible for weight gain; proper digestion and metabolic function are

also

critical.

Furthermore

, dedicating leisure time to exercise is vital for weight management. Incorporating activities like walking or running into daily routines can have a profound impact on

overall

health

and weight loss. In conclusion, the surge in obesity can be attributed to the consumption of unhealthy junk

food

and a decline in physical activity. It is incumbent upon

individuals

to prioritize their

health

by making informed dietary choices and carving out time for exercise amidst busy schedules.

Submitted by takeru1626 on Thu May 09 2024

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Structure

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your arguments. This will help in structuring your essay more coherently.

Cohesion

Try incorporating a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow of your essay. While you've made good use of them, there's always room for variety to demonstrate your range.

Content

Including more specific examples and data could strengthen your arguments further. Real-life examples or studies can provide evidence for your claims and make your essay more persuasive.

Task Response

Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both the reasons for the rise in obesity and potential solutions. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

Structure

You've structured your essay clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organizational structure makes your argument easy to follow.

Cohesion

Good use of transitional phrases helps in connecting ideas smoothly, contributing to the coherence of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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all over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. this problem affects both children and adults. what are the reasons for this rise inn obesity? how could it be tackled?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime ,others however argue that the circumstances of an individual crime and the motivation to commiting it should always taken into accountwhen deciding punishment . Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Task 2: When asked to choose between a life without work and working for most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that men and women have different qualities,there fore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?