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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Show essays »

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Nowadays, shopping has become more popular than ever. Some people believe that it has negative
effects
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 on
individuals
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 and
societies
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,
while
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 others think it has positive impacts too.
This
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 essay discusses the reasons for increasing shopping and explores the negative and positive
effects
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 of it on
individuals
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 and
societies
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. Shopping has become more popular these days for several reasons.
Firstly
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, the shopping malls have grown and become more interesting by adding new sections like restaurants and playhouses. With these changes, they have become a place for shopping, gathering, eating, and spending time, which makes the places more popular.
Secondly
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, some people believe that shopping decreases the stress level and could bring happiness.
Finally
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, producing a variety of unnecessary products makes shopping more popular. The increasing popularity of shopping has different positive and negative
effects
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 on
societies
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. Small and big businesses grow with the Increasing popularity of shopping, which leads to economic growth.
Also
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, it has negative impacts too. consumerism has been made by the increasing popularity of shopping, which leads to environmental
problems
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.
Additionally
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, it has different
effects
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 on
individuals
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 .
Although
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 it might help with decreasing the level of stress, it can be addictive.
For instance
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, one of my friends is addicted to shopping. It not only causes financial
problems
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 for her but
also
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 causes mental health
problems
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. Now she has to take some medications. In conclusion, by growing shopping malls, and the variety of unnecessary products, shopping has become more and more popular. Apart from its positive
effects
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, it has several negative impacts on
societies
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such
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 as consumerism and environmental
problems
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.
Additionally
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, it could be addictive and harm
individuals
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 too.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on each reason why shopping is popular with more detailed explanation or examples. For instance, discussing how social media might contribute to this popularity could add depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main argument to strengthen the overall coherence. Use connectives and linking phrases effectively.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing economic and individual impacts.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the question by discussing both reasons for the popularity of shopping and its effects, showing balance in viewpoints, which is crucial for task response.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in structuring the essay effectively.
task achievement
Utilizes personal experience as an example to illustrate negative impacts of shopping, which makes the argument more relatable and concrete.
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